tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53263897489864215852024-02-07T19:14:08.204+08:00Hannah HaykhallHannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.comBlogger498125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-91341706946341988052021-02-28T13:23:00.000+08:002021-02-28T13:23:54.369+08:00RandomnessThe C's that I super looveee<br />
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Coffee<br />
Cinnamon<br />
Carrot<br />
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Why coffee? <br />
Makes you feel good I suppose.. :)<br />
Americano a.k.a kopi o or black coffee/ latte/cappuccino/caramel macchiato/ mocha bla bla bla. Radix pon boleh (my parents love radix ;). I am not a coffee expert eventhough <br />
I am prior a barista. I hate coffee tasting time. But I do know when people messing with my coffee!!!<br />
Dah lama tak minum Nestle Mocha. Kopi paling murah dan convenient dan sedappp..<br />
McD coffee is good too but not their frappe.<br />
Nak frappucino best, it's Starbucks. <br />
Coffee bean? Mehhh. Tak sedappp.<br />
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Why cinnamon?<br />
Super duper aromatic. Good pair with sugar for donuts, pretzels and you can sprinkle it inside hot/cold milk. Yums. It's good for your health too..go google the benefits..<br />
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Why carrot?<br />
Newfound love. Hihi. Good nibble now you can ditch your kerepek, pop corn, maruku and it contains less calorie and won't make you gained weight from constanly snacking..Rangup weh carrots me love it.<br />
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Haha.<br />
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Ok lah bye.Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-78529481270779402342021-02-28T13:17:00.000+08:002021-02-28T13:17:47.734+08:00Coffee & CigarettesCurrent mood, tak best.<br />Bukan nak salahkan Pms, even it's the time of the month.<br /><br />Penah rasa 'tak best' tak bila tak dapat capai apa yang nak dicapai?<br />You don't get what you want because you are plain lazy to really work for it.<br />Stress.<br />Gila.<br /><br />Somehow aku kena tampar muka kasi sedar and insaf sket.<br />Kena bezakan antara interested Vs commited.<br />It's two different thing.<br /><br />Aku paling tak suka bila orang tanya, especially kawan mak pak.<br />'Eh ni ke anak you yang belajar kat ------. Dah keje?"<br />Atau<br />'Sekarang buat apa? Dah kerja?'<br />'Dulu belajar course apa?'<br /><br />Ada banyak benda yang kita tak perlu nak terangkan pun dekat orang lain. Cukup dengan berkata ya atau tidak. <br /><br />Aku tak kerja lagi bukannya aku pemalas nak cari kerja. Aku dah pernah involve 4 jenis kerja pun perlu ke cerita kat orang lain? Plan hidup aku takkan lah aku nak pung pang citer satu kampung. <br /><br />Entah la, aku sensitif gila pasal isu 'kerja'. Nampak sangat macam loser kan bila orang tanya, 'dah keje ke belum?'. <br /><br />Then kena jawab 'belum'. <br /><br />The fact is, diorang tak tau pun yang aku ni tengah amik another diploma and working part time at Starbucks (kononnya nak bayar ptptn) walaupun aku dah ada degree. Then now, I've to quit both because I'm going to migrate to another continent.<br /> <br />Takkan aku nak terangkan semua ni to every people I meet. <br /><br />So yeah, life sometimes sucks and you have to deal with it. Kita plan, but tuhan yang tentukan akhirnya.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-5260022438271154642020-08-01T00:00:00.000+08:002020-08-01T00:00:03.674+08:002020 ? Ye saya masih single. <div style="text-align: justify;">
1. Finally hati aku terbuka sikit nak kahwin. Oh ya, umur aku 31 tahun ini. Tapi muka tak nampak macam 31 tahun. Aku tak rasa aku dah 31. That's why I don't look my age? Haha. Ah, it's just a number. Doakan aku temu jodoh yang baik-baik ok. I finally realized, the one that holding me back all this while is myself. Aku banyak sangat songeh dan alasan. Orang offer nak kenal-kenal aku reject. Apakah?</div>
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2. Aku setuju dengan frasa yang perigi perlu mencari timba. Tiada salah bukan? Fikiran aku terbuka sedikit demi sedikit yang perempuan bukan hanya perlu 'menunggu' dan 'dipilih', kita juga WAJIB 'memilih' bakal suami kita. Fasa memilih hanya wujud sebelum berkahwin ya. Dulu aku fikir, cukup doa2, solat hajat atau melakukan ibadah khusus untuk bertemu jodoh sambil menjaga diri adalah satu-satunya ikhtiar seorang perempuan muslim. Menunggu dan terus menunggu. Apakah usahamu? Oh aku dah berusaha. Aku dah doa, aku dah jaga diri, aku dah tingkatkan ibadah dan perbaiki diri tapi mana bakal imam tak muncul-muncul ni? Ibarat nak makan, tapi tak nak usaha pergi dapur cari makanan. Hanya doa sahaja dengan harapan makanan muncul depan mata.</div>
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3. Usaha aku this year, nak aktifkan diri cari bakal imam. Kenal-kenal (bukan bercinta ya) dengan lelaki yang aku rasa ada kriteria husband material. Dulu aku ada daftar baitulmuslim dan tilljannah tapi dah delete akaun. Bukan untuk aku medium itu. Aku prefer orang yang aku kenal, or orang terdekat kenal. Bukan manusia asing yang tak ada connection. Aku rasa medium cari jodoh islamik(tak adalah islamik mana pun) itu bias. Aku rasa lah. Kalau kau tak fotogenic/ cun memang tak lah nak dapat dm lelaki. Gambar kena letak fliter cun-cun. Rupa paras penting selain kau kena kerja best. Lelaki sana memilih oi (perempuan pun sama gak 2x5 je). Nak bakal zaujah bekerjaya gaji 3k ke atas or nak yang kerja gomen sahaja. Adoi la.</div>
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4. Now aku puya agenda, berkawan untuk kenal, kenal untuk kahwin. Bukan nak kena bercinta bagai. Cukuplah pengalaman kenal lelaki yang salah dulu. 2 bulan je then aku minta break. Sholud've been earlier. Too many red-flags. Ya Allah 2 bulan tu banyak gila aku belajar dan dapat pengajaran. Kalau rajin aku story. Dengan time tu aku tengah dapat interview government yang aku idam-idamkan. Then, aku failed final stage interview tu. Aku break pulak dengan dia. Seriously mcm roller-coaster hidup aku time tu. Double heart-broken. Aku lagi heart-broken tak dapat job tu sebenarnya. </div>
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5. Kriteria aku untuk bakal imam waktu dahulu kala? Asalkan solat 5 waktu (ada basic agama etc) , stable job dah ok selain perangai yang senonoh. Now, aku fikir. Hoih solat tu benda basic kot. Puasa? Zakat? Itu benda basic. Macam gosok gigi. Kau nak ukur orang tu pembersih or pengotor sama ada dia gosok gigi atau tak? Itu benda basic kot. Semua orang gosok gigi. Yang tak gosok gigi tu sah-sah dia pengotor. Gosok gigi itu perkara wajib. Agama is beyond solat 5 waktu, puasa, zakat etc.</div>
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7. Now? Agama of course No.1 . Dia wajib lebih daripada aku drpd segi agama dan seseorang yang melengkapi aku. Melengkapi? Aku perlu kenal strength and weakness di dalam diri sendiri in order for me to find the one that is able to complement my temperament. Contoh kekurangan : aku emotional, sensitive. Aku perlukan bakal imam yang cool, tenang, sabar, rational. Contoh kelebihan aku : aku independent . Suami aku tak perlu risau nak out station or tinggalkan rumah lama-lama ke sebab aku boleh survive jaga diri dan selesaikan hal rumah tangga. Listkan banyak lagi ciri-ciri yang kau perlukan, dan bila tahu ciri-ciri bakal imam khas untuk diri kau, boleh lah teruskan pencarian dan buat penapisan. Gitu. Bila kau tak tau apa yang kau mahukan itu yang end-up dengan orang yang salah (berdasarkan pengalaman aku yang lepas).</div>
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8. Umur? Honestly aku tak kisah as long as he fits criteria yang aku cari. Yang penting matang dan ada leadership selain ada sifat bertanggungjawab. Boleh lead wife, family. Matang bukan pada usia ye. Tua tak semestinya matang, muda tak semestinya tak matang. Ex aku dulu 5 yrs younger than me. Of course dia nampak tua drpd aku. Haha. Thank god muka aku baby-face luls. Dia nampak je macam matang tapi tak pun . Bukan sebagai husband material. Lelaki baya-baya aku or beza tua setahun dua daripada aku banyak yang dah selamat jadi laki orang so aku tak boleh expect nak dapat range umur sebegitu. I keep my option open by lowering my expectation in terms of age. It's either going to be someone younger than me or older than me or even duda. Tapi bukan suami orang ye!!!</div>
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9. Perempuan kena cari lelaki yang lebih baik daripada dirinya. Especially on 'agama'. Seriously. Bab hidayah ni bukan kerja manusia. Itu kerja tuhan. Dia tak solat even before kahwin dan kau rasa it's okay, he'll change. Kau rasa dia akan berubah ke lepas kahwin? Tak ok. Kalau berlakon pun takat 1 bulan je ada perubahan. Lepas to back to default mode. Arahan Allah pun dia ingkar inikan pulak bila kau nasihatkan dia. Memang tidak la sayang. Parah kalau dapat ketua keluarga tidak ada langsung akhirat oriented punya minded. Nak dibawa kemana rumah tangga itu nanti? Leader corrupt? Followers?</div>
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10. Now is time to choose. Choose wisely time single available ni. Bila dah kahwin, kena hadap pilihan masing-masing. No turning back unless you divorce. Perempuan nak ke ada track record cerai berai ni? Tak kan. Kalau boleh nak kahwin sekali sahaja seumur hidup.</div>
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Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-75458147101340640742020-07-18T01:52:00.000+08:002020-07-18T01:52:31.695+08:0020 for 20<div style="text-align: justify;">
1. <strike>Aku perlu siapkan slide presentation kerana due date nya esok malam tapi aku tak siap lagi. Lol. Aku sudah siapkan segelas nescafe untuk bertahan sepanjang malam (resepinya: 1 tspn coffee + 2 tspn sugar +1/3 cup milk + 2/3 cup hot water). Tapi aku main agak-agak je selalunya. Hari ni terlebih susu nampaknya. </strike> ok dah siap ( edited 1 day later).</div>
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2. Puasa lepas aku berjaya berhenti minum minuman berkafien. Surprisingly. Namun, sedikit demi sedikit aku perlu ambil kafien untuk buat kerja lewat malam macam hari ini. Macam sekarang ni aku sedang menaip perkara-perkara bukan 'non-essential'. Mood aku kembali untuk menulis (hopefully).</div>
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3. Lately aku merasa content. Dengan diri. Aku belajar apakah kelemahan aku, belajar akan kelebihan yang ada pada diriku aku. My insecurities and such. My worries and fear. And learning to embrace it wholeheartedly. Masih belajar to embrace my flaws. And others too.</div>
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4. Belajar untuk bersyukur. Syukur yang sebenar-benarnya. Every single day. Aku kena banyakkan syukur. </div>
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5. Small things add up. Kebaikan berlaku perlahan-lahan. Begitu juga kejahatan berlaku perlahan-lahan. Small things matters. Jangan pandang enteng perkara-perkara kecil. Dan jangan besarkan perkara-perkara yang tak penting.</div>
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6. Kelemahan aku? Banyak. Aku sudah catatkan dalam journal peribadi. Tapi kelebihan aku melebihi kekurangan yang aku ada. Thank god. Dan aku introspect diri bila aku perasan perkara-perkara yang buat aku 'triggered'. Perangai-perangai yang perlu diperbaiki. Contoh. Aku seorang yang Emosional + Sensitive. Senang triggered. Emosional ini bagus, bila kau pandai mengawalnya. Tapi bila kau tak mampu mengawal, bila emosi mendahului akal. Akal perlu mendahului emosi. Perlu berlatih dan 'aware' dengan diri aku.</div>
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7. Bila kau adalah seorang yang highly sensitive , kelebihan kau adalah 'senses' yang sangat tajam. Kau akan cepat 'pick-up' the atmosphere lebih-lebih lagi perangai manusia. Aku seorang yang observant dan sometimes over analyze banyak perkara. Aku boleh observe mood orang sekeliling dan baca fikiran mereka (kadang-kadang salah baca sebab aku bukan bomoh). Tapi serius penat weh sebab kau macam akan come out dengan macam-macam 'case scenario' dalam kepala kau. Mostly I will come-out with every 'worst case scenario'.</div>
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8. Kalau aku seekor binatang, aku adalah seekor eagle.</div>
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9. Egois? Aku harus belajar untuk turunkan ego. Perasan bagus, bajet bagus kena tone down. Rasa diri aku je yang betul. Perkara yang build up our egos? Memendam. Tak open up. Merasa yang kau tak perlu sesiapa (seriously aku kena contact kawan-kawan baik yang aku dah lama tak keep in touch). Rasa kau tak perlu share your worries, fears with anyone. Holding up your emotions. End up it eating me up slowly after years of holding it by myself sampai ia menjadi part of myself. Aku silap percaturan. Aku sangka, aku menyenangkan manusia sekeliling kerana aku sangka my story/worries/hope/fears/dreams/ insecurities tidak signifikan. Perkara-perkara begitu yang membina ego dalam diri.</div>
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10. Aku harus belajar untuk berdamai dengan masa lalu. Especially my failures. Kerana itu adalah triggering point yang buat aku kena panic attack buat pertama kali bulan lepas (ini adalah diagnostic aku sendiri ya sebab aku belum jumpa psych). Yes, my FBI in me makes me investigate what really happened during that time sebab aku confuse gila is it anxiety attack or panic attack . I literally can't breathe and has shortness of breath (macam kau lepas sprint kena kejar anjing), surge of emotion and menangis gila-gila , sweating + trembling, jantung aku berdegup laju, dan ada perasaan yang sangat-sangat takut (aku tak tahu apa yang aku takutkan tapi aku rasa takut gila2 in the midst of that chaos) dan aku confuse time tu sebab aku tengah solat maghrib rakaat ke-2 nak baca Al-fatihah, and aku start menangis dan masa yang sama aku cuba tenangkan diri sambil nak baca Al-fatihah. Menangis time solat is normal. Tapi bila berlaku kau tercungap-cungap tak boleh bernafas dengan semua sensasi yang berlaku dalam waktu yang singkat yang kau tak boleh kawal, it was terrifying.</div>
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11. Penat ok lepas kena 1st attack. Even dah sudah solat, aku punya breathing mcm orang tak cukup nafas. Dada berombak. Aku kena tenangkan diri, keep repeating 'it's okay' berjuta kali sambil buat deep breathing. Dan terus terbaring atas katil dengan telekung yang lencun oleh air mata + hingus. Badan jadi lemah. Drained.</div>
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12. I am still unsure of what it was? Was it a dream? No of course not. But why me? </div>
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13. Macam mana perasaan menjadi manusia yang normal? Of course semua orang ada masa sedih, gembira. Aku tertanya-tanya, how does it feel to feel being normal? Being default. Bila kau tak perlu berfikir macam aku? </div>
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14. Am I alone? With these weird feelings. The hopelessness. And that phases when I felt that death is the best choice. I am sorry Allah. I am glad I'm able to get out of that dark hole. </div>
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15. Speaking about that moment is triggering. And I don't wish to open the pandora box again.</div>
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16. My internal struggle brings me back to HIM. It has always been like that.</div>
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17. I must pick up my broken pieces of shattered self, and make something beautiful out of it. Make something beautiful out of something broken.</div>
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18. Complicated betul life aku. It's okay. It's only dunya. Nothing is perfect! May I passed this test and enter Jannah from wherever doors I wanna go. It calms my heart to know that Allah is the best planner. He tested me because he wants to bring me back to HIM.</div>
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19. Being vulnerable is scary. I must learn to ask for help in order for people to help me.</div>
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20. Why I don't speak up about my struggles? No one cares people got other problems too. They'll judge. They say to go solat lebih, baca Al-quran. Iman you kurang. They all semua iman lebih kot. They don't aware of these things bcos they never experienced it good for them btw. Good for you who never felt shitty because its not the best feeling ever. </div>
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21. I missed being 7 years old and never care about the world. </div>
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22. I sincerely pray that I will die peacefully. </div>
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Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-41810148166697324092020-03-01T03:04:00.001+08:002020-03-01T03:04:48.367+08:00Hello 2020<div>
Terbuka akaun gmail lama.</div>
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Membaca entri-entri lama.</div>
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Cerita 10 tahun yang lepas.</div>
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Bittersweet. Itu yang aku rasa kini.</div>
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2020.</div>
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Can I be honest? </div>
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I feel like I want to die last year. </div>
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Tapi aku takut sebab aku tahu aku tak ready, banyak dosa. Iman senipis kulit bawang itu menahan aku daripada buat benda-benda gila. Aku masih tahu dosa pahala. Syurga neraka.</div>
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But there was time I felt I want to slit my wrist. I kept looking at the blade I have kept on my drawer.</div>
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But I don't. I don't go that far. I just hit my head hard several times with a handphone at that moment and do smth to hurt myself ( I don't know what happened but I was so mad at something and feeling frustrated). I just cried my self out after that.</div>
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I want to completely disappear. </div>
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Perasaan mahu hilang dan lenyap memang aku sentiasa rasa.</div>
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From everyone, from everything.</div>
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2019 was a rough year. Emotionally, Mentally.</div>
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I held the pain alone. Of course no one knows.</div>
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I have no one to turn too.</div>
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Even if I'm surrounded by people/family, it's so hard to explain to them what I've been thru.</div>
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So fucking hard. </div>
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I don't know what it was,</div>
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The anxious feeling, the feeling like I am not worthy, I do not matter, I hated myself,</div>
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All the bad emotion surges up eating me slowly...</div>
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I was caught up in the darkest moments in my life.</div>
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It started in early 2019, but later in september 2019 until January 2020....</div>
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It was hell.</div>
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I am shutting my self down completely,</div>
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Locking myself in my room, only come out when everyone not around. Literally avoiding my family members. I'm sneaking out of my room for food and bring them to eat in my room.</div>
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I don't speak to anyone, don't reply friends message (I don't have that many friends, just casual friends),</div>
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My room is a whole mess (Ada 3 bakul baju tak lipat dan I just let them be until bulan 2 baru I lipat), and I don't feel like doing anything other thing. I just live and doing the bare minimum so that my fam members won't suspect me being unusual. </div>
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I literally lied to avoid going to family gathering events. I'm a bad liar btw.</div>
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I'm always a homebody. But I avoided going out at that time. I stayed in my room when visitors come to our house. I want people to leave me alone.</div>
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Constantly tired. </div>
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Forgetful.</div>
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Always got headache.</div>
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sometimes sudden nausea and vomit (its not even food poisoning).</div>
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Irregular period time. Always got istihadah after period.</div>
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There were times my appetite gone, there were times I want to pig out.</div>
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It's not all sad feeling and crying and mellow. </div>
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There were times I cry my heart out before sleep. Sobbing and crying out silently while everyone was sleeping. Wake up next day and pretend everything is great.</div>
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Sometimes I have to force myself to cry or to feel any emotion.</div>
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There were times I don't feel anything. and it's the scariest feeling.</div>
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All I want to do is lie on my bed, browsing the net, watch korean variety show, movies, surf youtube all day err day. I just don't want to think about anything. It was my source of distraction.</div>
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sometimes aku tak mandi pun or paling ok sekali sehari je.</div>
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I sleep late and wake up late. I often missed subuh prayer bcos I slept late. I am not a person that will miss solat. I performed my solat 5x per day before this but there were days I have to force myself to solat. And there were time I can't even concentrate on my solat. </div>
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I wasn't being my normal self. I was living like a zombie. Just to get by. </div>
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I abandoned my self and slowly letting go..</div>
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I am all alone.</div>
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It's like kau jatuh dalam lubang yang dalam dan kau tak mampu nak keluar daripadanya.</div>
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Ada ramai orang yang lalu lalang di tepian lubang itu.</div>
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But tak ada siapa yang nampak kau tengah minta tolong . Tak ada siapa yang mendengar.</div>
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Sebab suara kau tak keluar rupa-rupanya. Kau hanya meminta tolong tanpa suara.</div>
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It was all in your mind. </div>
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Yang berada di atas tak nampak kau ada di dalam lubang dalam tersebut.</div>
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Kau jadi benci dengan semua orang yang berada di atas.</div>
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Kau rasa mereka tak pedulikan kau.</div>
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Tak sayangkan kau. benci pada kau.</div>
<div>
I grow distant from them.</div>
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That was what it like how I felt.</div>
<div>
And I was living in that deep hole all alone. Suffocated and isolated alone.</div>
<div>
It was so hard.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am well aware I have all the symptoms of depression. </div>
<div>
My overanalyze /overthinking self, did it for me. I am all aware about this things bcos I have a friend that been clinically diagnosed by doctor to have MDD (major depressive disorder)and BPD. I know a thing about this illness.</div>
<div>
I did a test ( suddenly tak ingat nama dia apa but it's like saringan untuk mental health before ke klinik ). I did it and my score was extremly high on depression, anxiety, stress. This is not my firsti time buat ujian ini. I hold my courage and after countless time anxiously erasing and writing back the text to her, I finally showed to my friend (diagnosed with MDD and BPD) and ask her opinion. She shocked and asked me what happened. She asked me to quickly go to the nearest KK and go for checkup and get referral letter from dr. to refer me to psychiatric.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I didnt go that quickly. I text her on sept/oct and went for doctor on late november.</div>
<div>
Aku ingat lagi I was all alone in my house. My fam went on holiday (I don't want to follow and prefer to stay at home in my room), I had a breakdown (now I cant remember what happened). I muster my courage to do it once and for all. Susah wei.. nak admit kau perlukan bantuan. nak yakinkan diri kau sebenarnya ada problem. susah. but aku fikir masa tu, nak sihat ke tak? ke kau nak jadi lebih teruk dulu baru nak admit kau ada problem.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Aku nekad pergi dalam keadaan diri yang malas. Malas untuk buat apa-apa. Malas nak hidup. Aku capai tshirt yang proper mana yaang ada dan jeans serta tudung yang tak bergosok pun. Lap air mata. Put on lip balm and sunscreen. Look at a mirror and try to fake a smile. Berjaya. At least aku nampak macam manusia sekarang. Aku start enjin kereta yang dah lama aku tak start..lama tak keluar rumah. Aku ke klinik swasta. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Aku park kereta depan klinik. Aku duduk dalam kereta hampir satu jam. Aku masih berperang dengan diri. Masuk atau tak ke kilnik. Hampir satu jam, aku beranikan diri masuk ke klinik. Beri nama pada nurse di kaunter. Dan menunggu namaku dipanggil.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I met the dr. I said I want to get a referral letter to go to physiatric and want to show him my saringan result. He refused. He want to hear directly from me why? What happened..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Aku ingat lagi soalan dia. </div>
<div>
"Apa yang awak rasa?" "Bagitahu saya apa yang awak rasa?"</div>
<div>
And..upon hearing that question.</div>
<div>
I choked up. Holding my tears (I was fine before and don't think I will cry before meeting him).</div>
<div>
And I cried...buckets..I never imagine to cry in front of complete strangers. I always cry alone and hated to cry in front of people.</div>
<div>
He patiently waiting for me to finished crying and calmed down before asking me to get the tissue. And while wiping my tears I started to open my mouths. While listening and asking series of question, he began to key-in the info I gave in the desktop. He then gave me a refferel letter.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and guess what...</div>
<div>
I have not yet go to the physiatric.</div>
<div>
Until this day..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I still kept the letter (I have not read it bcos he sealed the letter).</div>
<div>
I am still afraid...I want to go but I am afraid..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Finally in feb 2020, I get better..slowly..I opened up, I made plans, I clean up my messy room (I cried when cleaning up my room as there were thick speck of dust on the furniture and everywhere, bunch of hair falls). It reminds me how much I've let my self go...I slowly fold and arrange my clothes back in my messy wardrobe and finally organize them. I get rid of old clothes. I change my room layout. I started to decorate and get new things for my room. I am still in the process of making it as I've planned. Now, I feel like I want to live. But in between this times, there were days (week) I felt down for no reason( i dont know the trigger)...and tonight I am reminiscing (after reading old blogpost) how I have spent my years all this while and felt crappy inside....next week I'm going to be 31 years old. But..I don't feel like I have done anything particular. It feels like I am still stuck. In the past. And worried of the future. It's like when you drive a car, you press both accelerator and brake at the same time. I feel like I've always live life like that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I shall stop now ( My head hurts now and my neck and shoulder ache all over).</div>
<div>
I am just going to post this insidious side of me.</div>
<div>
Welcome to my messy life.</div>
<div>
It's not pretty at all.</div>
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Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-43891037001074058042017-09-17T01:27:00.000+08:002017-09-17T01:27:16.765+08:00Hello 2017[Maaf kerana entri ini menggunakan dwi-bahasa a.k.a bahasa rojak]<br />
<br />
<br />
Oh hai blog.<br />
It has been awhile. Well, it has been ages since my last entry.<br />
2 tahun lepas kot. haha<br />
<br />
Ada masa rindu itu datang untuk aku teruskan merakam ingatan dalam blog ini.<br />
Ada masanya rindu it ada, tetapi mindaku beku. Haha.<br />
Serius janggal rasanya sebab dah lama tak menaip sebegini.<br />
Kekok.<br />
<br />
Sekarang kita berada di bulan september 2017.<br />
I mula menulis blog sekitar akhir 2010.<br />
Wow hampir 7 tahun lamanya. Phew~<br />
Maknanya I started blogging when I was 21.<br />
And now I am 28. But people kata , still nampak I mcm 18. Serius tak tipuuu.. Hahaaha..<br />
<br />
Wow. A LOT of things has happened since then.<br />
A LOT.<br />
<br />
To be where I am now, at this point..<br />
I've been though a lot.<br />
<br />
Kalau nak flashback, panjang sangat. Cuma apa yang I ingat adalah pembahagian fasa-fasa kehidupan yang I dah lalui setakat ini.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
///Fasa kehidupan di universiti dan drama yang berlaku waktu itu (I almost quit my study half-way. And I am glad I didn't quite eventhough I dont like what I'm doing at that time. Thanks parents)</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
//fasa kehidupan bekerja. I kerja sekejap je. I wanted to pursue in culinary at that time (time tulah..haha. now I am not). Still a lost puppy. I officially graduated on October 2012. Kerja dekat secret recipe from April-August 2012, Guru ganti September-November 2012. Then I didnt do nothing at that time because on late December we were going for umrah. So I malas nak cari kerja sebab for sure by the time I dapat kerja nanti susah nak dapat cuti for my umrah trip. So I tanam anggur dulu la.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
///Post umrah I didn't do nothing then staying at home je, and on Mac 2013 I registered for Diploma in Pastry & Bakery. Nak pursue study in that field. Felt like it was my calling. Sumpah waktu tu I sendiri tak pasti if that's the right thing to do or not. Sumpah I tak tau apa yang I nak dalam hidup. At that time, I rasa I should go for what I like and What I do best which is baking. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
why I tak cari kerja based on my degree? I rasa degree I tak berguna sebab I pun tak suka apa yang I belajar, and what can I say more. Tak semangat nak cari kerja dan tak tahu nak kerja apa..haih. Kesilapan memilih course. Ingat ye adik2 jangan main ambil je course yang datang dekat kita (kes kena lelong lepas matrikulasi). I should have take diploma je kan..aih, takpelah benda dah nak jadi. Itu adalah perkara yang terbaik ketika itu.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
///Fasa holiday, for 1 year out of Malaysia: belajar 1 semester je di culinary college.Oh ya, when I was in college, I did part time job at Starbucks. Great experience. End of 2013 we're moving to middle east. I quit my diploma. I studied arabic language there. Stay there until end of December 2014</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
///Fasa post holiday: I was sick. Got under the knive to remove lumps in my right neck in January 2015. I masuk bilik bedah 9 am, and kelaur pukul 4pm. Lama gila operation. Lumps tu actually dah lama ada (2 yrs). Then it get bigger and painfull at that point. I was so sick mentally and physically after surgery. My shoulder, right hand cannot function. I tak boleh angkat tangan buat apa2 aktiviti guna tangan and angkat benda2 berat. Seriusly I rasa tertekan dan hopeless. Rasa diri tak berguna. I seriusly tak tahu nak buat apa sebab I physically unhealthy. So I try jadi agent jual rumah, real estate agent but susah wei. dahlah tak ada gaji. No customer no money la. I quit the job. And then I try jul kuih raya. Sadly it didnt work. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am so unmotivated. Sebab my bahu still hurts doing so many things. Baring pun sakit. Sampai I tak boleh mengiring ke kana for almost 1 yr smth. I nak luruskan tangan nak touch card touch n go di tol pun siksa. Nak pakai bra pun x boleh. Awal2 dulu nak pakai bra sakit sebab tali bra tu tekan bahu kan. haha..sedih ooo..Bila now I dah dapat luruskan tangan, bersyukur gila. Nikmat yang kita pandang enteng selama ni. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I macam lost gila time tu. Rasa tak guna. I avoided people be it relatives, friends. I putuskan hubungan dengan semua orang. I avoid going out. I became so negative about life. Cuma I tak sampai suicidal thoughts je lagi. Orang nampak I luaran okay, happy je, sebab I good at faking things. Haha. I tak tahu yg simptom2 yg I rasa at that time adalah depression until my friend ( she got diagnosis with major depression by certified doctor ) said, simptom2 yg I lalui adalah depression. Time yang sangat down. Hopeless.</div>
<br />
Nama pun kehidupan kan.<br />
Actually best juga ada blog ni kan.<br />
Bila sampai one point of your life, you boleh walk through memory lane. Reminisce your sweet and bitter memory. I cringe la baca entry-entry lama. Tak terbaca lagi ni. Hehe..<br />
<br />
<br />
P/S: Fasa seterusnya nanti I sambung la (kalau rajin) . Mengantuk ni. Nak tidur. Byeee<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-15743107979650269102015-07-02T22:49:00.000+08:002015-07-02T22:49:09.589+08:00no ideaAku nak menulis. Tapi tiada idea.<br />
Rasa macam wow bekunya otak.<br />
<br />
Trials, stuff happens.<br />
We hope and dream and then thunder came in and crush our dream and hope.<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
Itulah kehidupan agaknya. Untuk diriku versi ke 26 tahun.<br />
<br />
Aku tarik nafas panjang-panjang dan katakan pada diriku versi ke 26 tahun.<br />
<br />
This is nothing, ujian ni khas utk diriku, tailored just for me sent from the almighty high above the sky.<br />
<br />
Kanak2 pelarian rohingya itu lagi susah dari diriku. Kasihan mereka.<br />
<br />
Hard time shall pass.<br />
<br />
This is life.<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-79121663750296590982015-05-31T23:40:00.002+08:002015-05-31T23:40:32.231+08:00See You SoonI have never want something so bad, like now.<br />
Never.<br />
<br />
I'm going to work super duper hard and nail it this time In Sha Allah.<br />
<br />
//////<br />
<br />
2015 in a nutshell?<br />
<br />
> A <strike>beautiful </strike>mess<br />
<br />
Stuff happened. A LOT.<br />
<br />
I got sick late December 2014 ,<br />
Operation procedure on January 2015,<br />
Rest,<br />
Still On medication for 9 month,<br />
After 2 month resting, Start a job then to find it's not my calling (same shit all over again), when I'm not 100% healed yet physically due to operation procedure, I am still in pain even now<br />
Now stressing out to Stop the job, A sales job with which I have not close anything yet. Stress!<br />
Yeah I know I am hasty.<br />
Arghhhh<br />
And now I am resting summore. <br />
<br />
Moneyless sure sucks. And jobless, and an illness to be bear with.<br />
I hate my life now.<br />
Feeling defeated but not gonna giving up on myself. <br />
<br />
Please excuses my depressed entry,<br />
I really need to vent out.<br />
<br />
//////<br />
<br />
Life is beautiful. <br />
Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-91302394204300674322014-12-04T06:56:00.001+08:002014-12-04T06:56:27.487+08:004th quarter of 2014 ; The Story of My LifeAssalamualaikum & hye<br />
<br />
Wheww~<br />
Apa khabar? Haha..awkward.<br />
Yeah.<br />
Its been awhile.<br />
Sometimes no news is a good news.<br />
Or maybe just not.<br />
Haha.<br />
<br />
No, its just me. Tahap kemalasan tidak terbendung.<br />
In terms if writing junk in this space where doesnt sems relevent. Haha.<br />
<br />
Where do we begin now people?<br />
<br />
Ok nevermind, I don't even bother now who's reading, who's not. Page views..this place was meant for me to recollecting moments and stuff.<br />
Ceh.<br />
Apa-apa ajelah labu.<br />
<br />
Now I feel like writing, must have been induced by coffee rush I had less than hour before.<br />
<br />
December 2014<br />
Oh ya, I am still in Amman andddd now still no hint of snow coming..still,<br />
Next rabu we are flying back to Malaysia...<br />
Wehuuuuuu..<br />
<br />
My sis and I are flying home for good (after 1 yr here) while my parents and 2 other siblings gonna head back to Amman for more years at the end of dec 14.<br />
<br />
Sad.<br />
But, you'll lose some and gain some in life.<br />
Success require huge sacrifice.<br />
Hence,<br />
<br />
2015,<br />
<br />
#I am a fully responsible adult *cough cough cough* I got the feel now..no parents around. Real adults take FULL responsibility of the choices they are making/made and NEVER BLAME ANYONE/ANYTHING/CIRCUMSTANCES. So are you in the club?<br />
<br />
#I don't hunt for job, instead I create a job for myself. Hello Ms. Entrepreneur! *not many people knows my plan and you are the lucky one people*<br />
<br />
#I am SCARED but I want to walk with FAITH instead of fear.<br />
<br />
#Learn more about property from reading books to attending more talks,seminar etc. I am very interested to know about good investment and how to accumulate good assets (collect assets not liability). Property is my area of interest.<br />
<br />
#Feed my mind with loads of good stuff (read read read) books/audio books and listen to top speaker. Motivation is like bathing, you need it daily ☺.<br />
I love listening to Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, Eric Thomas, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown and all motivational video I could get.<br />
<br />
#Learn more and more about baking. Attend baking classes. Bake good desserts and make people happy eating them. My humble business is going to be in this area. Pray for me people!<br />
<br />
#smile more more and more like it's my 2nd nature and live life with passion against of all odds.<br />
<br />
#Social anxiety challenge: be able to talk to stranger and hold a conversation. Say hi to people you don't know. Hold a small talk.I know I am friendly naturally but after so many many years of telling myself I am a shy person especially around stranger and being too lazy to talk (shy is a label you put to yourself,never a born traits or hereditary, baru tahu ). Be really careful of your choice of words because it will be your reality.<br />
<br />
#Financial. Ermm. Not yet(infact really FAR) financially independent but really aspire to be one in future. In Sha Allah..someone wise says never limit your circumstances now to who you will be in the future. My financial status now (hasil kumpul every month here ayah kasi 50Jd/month plus duit raya 100Usd). Oh ya this year ada jual 3 biji kek..haha..tapi duit dah burn la..but still manage to kumpul some money while I am here. Duit kat malaysia from working dulu2 memang burn la habis ilek..haha..punyalah tak ada planning dan tak kisah pasal financial planning..adoii. But I am really proud of myself this year, instead of buying stuff, clothes esp jubah etc. I REALLY am not indulging much and always restrain from impulse buying..tapii few weeks ago I bought original kitchen aid mixer priced 399Jd (times 4.5MYR) my dream baking gadget..tapi nanti my dad refund balik time balik malaysia teeheee (ayah is the most most most generous people in my life)..that mixer gonna be my best buddy in my baking endeavor in 2015.<br />
<br />
Long story short, I got the habit of saving now throughout 2014 alhamdullilah. Haha. Cabaran bila balik ke Malaysia is hard to handle though. Online shopping is so in right now kan...sigh.<br />
<br />
Increasing my knowledge in financial area is so crucial for 2015. Rich or poor we all deal with money. So might as well be more wiser and be well thought in this area. Robert kiyosaki says smth like (I heard from his audio book Increasing Your financial IQ), money is not the root of evil, not having enough knowledge in financial arena is one of the the root of evil and risky.<br />
<br />
#Health & physical: keep on the healthy lifestyle I am on right now. Keep on sweating and eat more of good food most of the time. A little bit of junk once a while will do great. Life needs balance. Lol. And enroll at least 4 half marathon in 2015. This year only manage to go for 1 events only. No choice. Sini tak ada banyak event macam Malaysia . Only 3 official events throughout the year kesian betul. Malaysian are so lucky! Melambak-lambak events sepanjang tahun. Hiking should be cool too. Broga will be one of the must place to go. And also I want to learn swimming to. Really. Scuba dive and paragliding is for 2016. Pheww. Kumpul duit kumpul duit dulu in 2015!<br />
<br />
#2015 is the year of a new discovery, challenging yet fun. IT's time to grow out of my comfort zone and be out there in the world. Grow-ing is happiness.<br />
<br />
# Honestly, I struggled much about self-confidence throughout adolescent as much as I could remember. The notion of 'I am lacking' and 'I am not good enough' 'Fear of making decision' 'Omg why my open pores are so big' . Bit by bit I am picking up steps towards a better me. I finally realized that the act of loving/liking ourselves FIRST is so so so important. It is not an act of selfishness.<br />
<br />
THE MORE YOU LIKE YOURSELF THE MORE CONFIDENCE YOU'LL HAVE, THE MORE CONFIDENCE YOU ARE THE MORE SUCCESSFUL YOU'LL BE. THE MORE YOU LIKE YOURSELF THE MORE YOU'LL LIKE PEOPLE, AND IN RETURN PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU MORE. Isn't it lovely?<br />
<br />
Get it? I have learn it the hardest way. Why am I so afraid to love a lil more, to open up my heart all this while. To try new things, to dream a big dream...<br />
I have hurt my self all this time, beating up my self over my flaws and over stuff don't really matter, my mistakes, criticize my self, scrutinize every single flaws..don't please.<br />
<br />
So now,Be kind to yourself, say good words to yourself, pat yourself at the back every time you do something wonderful and simply say"I like myself". Say that 3 magic words everytime, everywhere many many times. Let it be your mantra. Glue it to your mind. This is not vanity. That is the purest and nicest thing you'll ever do to yourself. I learned this tips by listening to Brian Tracy self confidence video talk on youtube. I say this to my self everyday countless time and feeling so good. Let it be your reality. When you feel so low and no good of yourself say that words, sincerely and feel it thru the core of yourself.<br />
<br />
Now do I sound like a newfound guru of selfhelp? Hehe.<br />
<br />
<br />
# 2014, has been up and down. There were time I was struggling emotionally feeling helpless this year. Here I am at 25 years old, jobless not making any money, living in another country, feeling caged, not knowing what to do next, feeling helpless because I am doing nothing here besides of studying arabic. I am a freaking 25 and still am wondering why am I here? Regretting the choices I've made and play the blame game .And I am Still depending on my parents when deeply I want to give back to my parents but I just have nothing to served nothing to be proud of. The bottom line was that I feel hopeless. Most people of my age has started their life, build a family, landed a job and further their study. It's something that tear you down from the inside, that feeling really kills your self confidence. And I realize that I have nothing to be proud of, nill.<br />
It was my struggle.<br />
<br />
I have many proud moments too but see, negativity really got me blinded and failed to capture the beautiful lifetime moments in life I experienced here. For all the opportunity grant by HIM and I am forever feeling humbled and grateful. This struggle is a bless, if you see it deeply. In every difficulty lies an opportunity. If only you can see. I am one lucky girl and so caught up in the moments to not see the beautiful things in life. The most beautiful things in life cannot be seen , it can only be feel at heart. Silly you, lovely.<br />
<br />
And<br />
Alhamdullilah.<br />
<br />
Now I don't feel that shitty feelings anymore. NO MORE!<br />
<br />
The person I was before no longer exists and now here she is. Writing her junk in this space. Haha.<br />
Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. I failed to see things in bigger perspective, broader horizon.<br />
This struggle makes me dig deeper into my self.<br />
My purpose in life and all.<br />
<br />
I read books, listen to motivational video over and over again, feeding my mind with nourishing stuff.<br />
Mending my own bruises. It's the most loneliest things to do, to cure yourself.<br />
I am on my way. One step.two step.<br />
And will still learning and never ever stop growing. Because in growing I find happiness and hope.<br />
A future with a hope.<br />
I deserved success as long as I am willing to work on it.<br />
<br />
And the way we define success is what really matter. My terms of success may not be the same to you and it does not matter to me as we all have different goals and purposes in life.<br />
I am not them and they are not me.<br />
<br />
Take full responsibility of your life. Man up! Where you are now are now is based of the choices you've made in the past. Make your decision now as you are responsible for your life in the future.<br />
<br />
Phew this is the longest write up of 2014 and I feel good writing it all here. Lega.<br />
<br />
My writing speaks louder than my voice.<br />
I hope you'll listen to my little tiny voice here.<br />
Haha.<br />
<br />
See you next year 2015!<br />
I love you kind loving people who's reading till the end, whoever you are, wherever you are. No matter what you've been through I pray the best for you.<br />
<br />
Thank you lovely.<br />
Regards,<br />
HH.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-29301706578658255312014-08-22T19:02:00.001+08:002014-08-22T19:02:30.178+08:00Jujurnya1. Aku rindu nak blogging, akan tetapi lately terasa MALAS sekali.<br />
<br />
2. Kebelakangan ini, semenjak sudah masuk mustawa thani a.k.a level 2 kelas al lughotul a'robiyah, makin MALAS nak bangun pagi ke kelas.<br />
<br />
3. Tiap kali bangun pagi, mesti terdetik 'ahh malas betul lahh nak gi kelas'. Syaiton betul. Duhh.<br />
<br />
4. Aku malas sebab kelas #qowaid a.k.a grammar susah, kelas #apa nama dia lupa pulak(comprehension dlm bi) pun tak faham mualim cakap apa, kelas #muhadasah pulak kena bnyk buat imla' la, berbahas in arabic la...<br />
<br />
5. Nak menangkap mualim dan mualimah bercakap di kelas 100% berbahasa arab memang mencabar bagi budak MALAS nak study mcm aku ni.<br />
<br />
6. Aku nak balik Malaysia next year, tapi macam berbelah bahagi . ahhh nak stay lama-lama di sini pun aku nak juga memulakan kerjaya di tanah airku. Ahhh sorang2 kat Malaysia tanpa family, nangis.<br />
<br />
7. Terlalu banyak berfikir boleh buatkan makin stress. Kalau tak fikir sangat, terlalu 'laid back' pulak katanya.<br />
<br />
8. Manusia sekeliling hatta orang yang baru aku kenali or jumpa dah tanya soalan cepu emas ' bila nak kahwin?'. Kalaulah aku ada jawapannya.... fyi, nendaku pun sudah mula tanya 'bilo nak kawen cucu den ni?' Errrrr...bulan 8 ni sepupu sebaya aku nak kahwin dah..I can feel heat..hehe..ahh nasib tak ada kat Malaysia time tu. Selamat!<br />
<br />
9. Aku pernah fikir tak payah kahwin pun tak apa. Dan pernah juga berfikir nak kahwin secepat yang mungkin dan pada suatu ketika pernah juga berfikir tak mengapa kahwin lewat asalkan berkahwin juga satu masa nanti. Dan ya, aku pun tak faham dengan diri sendiri. Dan ada masanya, aku malas nak fikir. Sungguh. Dan bila banyak terbaca kes-kes abusive husband, penceraian, konflik rumah tangga tanpa sedar rasa takut itu tiba. Perasaan....memang susah nak difahami.<br />
<br />
<br />
10. Mahu jujur dengan diri sendiri, susahkan?<br />
<br />
11. Get over the feeling dan fokus pada perkara lain.<br />
<br />
12. Aku sedang dalam fasa beresolusi untuk meng-happy kan diri. Nama aku dalam bahasa arab bermakna 'happy'. Di dalam kelas, mualim dan mualimah selalu tanya ya, _____ enti happy al-youm? Trns: ya, (nama dlm bhs arab) awak gembira hari ini?Dan aku selalu ragu-ragu dengan jawapan yang aku beri. Zahirnya aku akan kata ya ofcourse la happy, di dalam hati , hakikatnya aku pun ragu-ragu. Gembirakah aku? Kullu youm habby (arab sebut happy-habby..haha). My name is happy but i am not happy all the time.. stressfullkan ada nama macam tu? :) . Ahhh, bagus juga ada orang tanya soalan begitu. Buat aku fikir pasal diri sendiri.<br />
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13. Cuba korang try seikhlas hati, niat nak sedekah bila pergi toilet awam or anywhere lepas dah selesaikan hajat, cuci tangan semua, hulurlah berapa yang mampu dekat makcik or pakcik or kakak or abang yang bersihkan toilet tu sambil senyum cakap terima kasih. Try dan cakap dekat aku apa perasaan dia. Hari itu, apa yang aku rasa susah nak describe. Mungkin itu 'happy' / 'bahagia'. Makcik tu tolak firstly bila aku capai tangan dia, aku insist cakap 'sadaqah, sadaqah' dia senyum dan cakap 'shukran'. Bila keluar toilet tu hati rasa berbunga bunga happy dapat tolong/beri something dekat someone stranger. Ok now aku rasa nak nangis..haha. emo betul.<br />
<br />
* I wrote this entry last night but going to post it today, Al-fatihah kepada jenazah nahas mh 17 yang pulang hari ini. Sedih sangat melihat di tonton.my klip ketibaan pulang 20 jenazah. Walaupun jauh beribu batu kami rakyat Malaysia akan sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteranmu wahai wira negara! Tenanglah kamu di sana, di negeri abadi.<br />
<br />
Bye.Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-31660873122547973182014-06-12T19:07:00.000+08:002014-06-12T19:07:29.668+08:00Perception or deception?Perception.<br />
Iaitu 'tanggapan' yang kamu berikan sendiri pada sesuatu perkara/situasi/seseorang<br />
<br />
Exibit 1<br />
<br />
Bila kamu suka sesorang, dan kamu rasa wahhhh bunga api meletup di dalam hati. Hati berdebar dup dap, palms sweating, mulut mengalami masalah excessive dryness,<br />
<br />
Errr.. mari tekan butang 'pause' sebentar.<br />
<br />
Semua perkara yang buat kamu tertarik pada si dia adalah semua perkara yang kamu fikir itu adalah dia. Padahal, hampeh.<br />
<br />
Kamu bukan benar-benar sukakan dia tetapi kamu telah jatuh hati pada segala 'perception' yang kamu wujudkan.<br />
<br />
Mengerti?<br />
<br />
Realiti selau memang keatas mimpi.<br />
Wake up dude!<br />
<br />
XxxX<br />
<br />
It took me long to realize to this notion.<br />
Perception.<br />
<br />
Semacam bila kau kena jerkah dengan bos sebab buat kerja lembap.<br />
<br />
Kau terus cop si bos kerek + kejam punya orang.<br />
<br />
Itu adalah perception kau.<br />
<br />
Padahal si bos itu adalah sejenis manusia yang meticulous bila bekerja. Berdedikasi dan sebagai bos dia tidak boleh tolerate any error sebab apa2 hal dia yang kena jawab dengan upper management.<br />
<br />
Begitu juga bila kau suka seseorang, kau suka sebab kau rasa dia menepati kriteria yang kau sendiri unconciously set kan.<br />
<br />
Tanpa disedari kita semua ada suatu kriteria yang kita dah set kan dalam banyak perkara.<br />
<br />
Ada orang, awal-awal dia dah set dalam minda dia mana-mana perempuan yang smoke adalah bad girls.<br />
<br />
Ada sejenis manusia lain, dia tak kisah.<br />
<br />
Ada sejenis, selagi dia tak kenal perempuan tu dia tak akan judge berdasarkan aktiviti berasap si perempuan itu.<br />
<br />
Motif nya di sini bila kau rasa orang tu best atau kau suka seseorang, itu semua adalah kau dengan persepsi kau semata.<br />
<br />
Kau tak akan kenal seseorang dengan 100% pasti. Never.<br />
<br />
Save your heart people.<br />
<br />
Apa yang nak disampaikan adalah, sayangi diri anda, yeah klise kot ayat ni. Realitinya, kita semua bergelut dengan isu ini.<br />
<br />
To be loved, you need to love yourself first.<br />
<br />
I've been struggling and still up till now. Here and there.<br />
<br />
Self worth itu penting ya.<br />
Know that you are worth it.<br />
<br />
Aku rasa ramai girls or women yang ada sedikit isu dengan perihal self worth ini.<br />
<br />
Isu yang releven dengan usia aku sekarang adalah perihal jodoh. Women, our worth are not equivalent with our martial status.<br />
<br />
To those single ladies , please jangan intimidated kalau you all single and mengikut norma budaya masyarakat kamu dah perlu kahwin ataupun dah expired dari berkahwin.<br />
<br />
Please, our worth as a women are more than just that. Macamkan kalau tak kahwin lagi or masih single mingle tu kau separa wanita. Duhhhhh.<br />
<br />
Dan atas rasa inferior kau cepat2 cari jejantans dan opsss ter end up dgn buaya darat. Hah. Please dont do that. Dont be so desperate. Dont rush things up.<br />
<br />
Haippp aku tak kata jangan kawin mari lah kita beramai ramai bujang sampai tua. No kita kena berusaha ke atas itu. Sampai lah kau ketemu jodoh or kalau tak berjodohan pun harus berusaha sampai mati. Ni aku dgr ustazah siti norbahyah kata dlm rancangan Tanyalah Ustazah okay.<br />
<br />
What you can do?<br />
Work on yourself!<br />
cliche enough eh?<br />
<br />
As for me it has always been work on progress.<br />
Every setbacks, heartache, confusion they are all matters. It makes me who I am today as a person.<br />
Dear past, thanks for the lesson!<br />
Dear future, bring it on!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-21650564441982241642014-05-27T00:11:00.001+08:002014-05-27T00:11:51.220+08:00What is life?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every single thing you've gone through life, every high every low and everything in between, it has led you to this moment right now. *true*<br />
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///<br />
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#Be grateful of your past for it has taught you a valuable lesson no one could ever teach.<br />
<br />
#It's not about who you were in the past, what matter the most is who've become now.<br />
<br />
#Kita selalu melihat kebelakang dan memikirkan masa lalu, merenung masa hadapan dan memikirkan sesuatu yang tak pasti. Yang kau cuma ada adalah , masa kini. Sekarang.<br />
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Image take from: http://www.marcandangel.com/Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-84190077358632689532014-05-24T02:42:00.001+08:002014-05-24T02:42:19.313+08:00Bila manusia bercakap guna kepala lututHai & Assalamualaikum<br />
<br />
Hari ni nak membebel sikit. Ahaha.<br />
<br />
Hari tu ada mamat satu kelas dengan aku dekat sini *Amman, telah menaikkan tahap kemarahan aku. Rasa nak panggggg je. Aku perati jee perangai kau.<br />
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Situasi: hari terakhir kelas, sehari sebelum exam final.Time tu aku dengan adik duduk di kerusi tepi laluan koridor kelas sementara tunggu mama ambil dari kuliah. Masing-masing tengah layan hp.<br />
<br />
Mamat ni nigga dari Ghana.<br />
<br />
Mula-mula kawan dia si A dtg dekat adik aku, mintak akaun fb nak add. Si A mintak jugak aku punya, tapi aku cakap "you can search my name from my sis account" then malas nak layan dia. Fb ni aku tak aktif sangat pun. Then aku layan phone je.<br />
<br />
Then tiba-tiba si mamat annoying kita namakan si B dtg kat kitaorang sebab nampak kwn dia si A.ada kat situ kot.<br />
<br />
"hey nur f and nur f (our name), i am going to miss you all from our class" dia cakap tetiba sambil sengih-sengih. Masa ni aku okay lagi. Masih bersangka baik lagi.<br />
<br />
Takkan nak cakap "yeah, I am going to miss you too" padahal dia ada ke , tak ada ke tidak memberi efek dalam hidup aku. Haha.<br />
<br />
Dan aku pun senyum-senyum je la kan. Sebab biasanya kat kelas aku tak borak pun dengan dia. Dia kat kelas mmg jenis bising pun. Mamat nigga yang poyo. Aku mmg meluat sikit dgn dia ni. Mcm good good je kan.<br />
<br />
"I want your fb account, give me yours. And your sis too" dengan nada suara mcm sejenis arahan.<br />
<br />
"You can add me from your friend, B. He's having our fb account"<br />
<br />
"Oh really?"<br />
<br />
Dia terus ambik hp kat tgn kwn dia si A sambil view<br />
profile adik aku yg kawan dia baru add.<br />
<br />
"Nur F....., where's your profile picture?" Dia mcm pelik sbb adik aku tak letak gmbr dia as profile pic.<br />
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Aku saja gurau dan kata " no, it's haram. No picture"<br />
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"Whyyyy? Why haram? I can see you here. You and you?" Kononnya hairan habis la. Dia boleh je nampak kitaorang di luar, why not put the picture in fb then?<br />
<br />
"See, I can touch you here and here and it's not haram"<br />
<br />
Dia boleh secara tiba-tiba 'touch' tangan aku and my sis yang tengah duduk kat kerusi tu sambil sengih-sengih. Fyi dia ni Muslim ok. ISLAM. Dekat kelas mcm nampak nau alimnya dia bila selalu charge hp dlm kelas dan everytime azan zuhur hp dia ni tak reti nak silent ke agaknya, akan berkumandanglah azan sekejap.<br />
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"Hey it's haram!!!!" aku terkejut gila bila dia boleh main calit-calit pegang tangan aku. Tak pernah ada sejarah lelaki main pegang2 tangan aku . Kau siapa kan tetiba nak pegang mcm tu?<br />
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"No, it's not haram" dia sengih-sengih.<br />
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Aku masa tu macam nak panggg je muka dia. Then dia blah.Aku mcm terkedu jap. Nak marah, tapi tak terkeluar ayat dari mulut.<br />
<br />
"Ittaqillah (Fear Allah/ have takwa) " adik aku cakap kat dia. Sebab kat kelas ayat ni dia selalu cakap la.<br />
Konon2 mcm ustaz la..kemain baik.<br />
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Sambil pusing belakang dia cakap apa entah, x perasan sbb masa tu aku tgh angin gila. Tapi dia mcm main2 kan ayat tu.<br />
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"Bongok la" itu je ayat yang aku cakap. Pastu dari dalam kereta sampai balik rumah aku diam je. Muka pun mcm nak mkn org. Haha. Geram punya pasal.<br />
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Then slow2 aku cool down kan diri. Teringat quote kat bawah ni. Kerja gila kan. So cecepat cool down kan diri sendiri.<br />
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Aku geram + marah kat dia sebab:<br />
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1. Dia tak ada respect langsung kat perempuan. Ini yang aku paling angin. Dia ingat kitorang ni patung ke? What do you take me as a person? Seriously. Aku bukan perempuan murahan tau. Bila dia buat mcm tu, menjatuhkan harga diri seseorang wanita. Macam kita ni barangan permainan dia pulak.<br />
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2. Dia tu Islam. Takkan tak tahu batas pergaulan dalam Islam? Nak bergurau ada batasan. Dan kau kena faham bab soal batasan pergaulan lelaki dan wanita tak kan tak tau kalau kau solat 5 waktu lengkap sekalipun. Ini simple je kot.<br />
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3. Aku tak rasa org bukan Islam akan buat perkara mcm ni sebagai gurauan. IN fact aku rasa mereka akan lebih sensitif pada perkara2 mcm ni.<br />
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Esoknya adalah exam dan ada mini party untuk kelas. Dia ada tegur something dekat me n my sister tapi aku buat tak tau je bila dia cakap. Haha. Buat dekk je. Padan muka. Rasanya dia tak akan dpt naik level 2 untuk kelas seterusnya. Slow lagi maybe kena repeat class. Bagus tak payah aku nak hadap muka kau lagi wahai mamat poyo.Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-23195918745071283142014-05-16T01:55:00.000+08:002014-05-16T01:55:14.804+08:00Words<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hai & السلام عليكم...<br />
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Random quote terjumpa dekat ig. Oh how I love good and inspirational quote. Just in love with beautiful written quotes.I ♡ words over picture.<br />
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Tau tak, I have used smart phone lama dah. Err, selepas nokia lumia yang bluerghhh terima kasih ayahku belanja S4 huhuhuhu. boleh tak tak tau cara-cara nak 'screen capture' until last week kot tanya my sis, how la nak screen capture? And lepas dah tau, haaa amik kau..semua benda nak di 'screen capture'. I am so the village people you know. Banyak benda rasa macam 'ah tak penting, tak payah tahu pun takpe'.<br />
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Hmmm..<br />
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Like the word 'sado'<br />
Korang tau ke makna dia apa?<br />
Sumpah aku baru tau dalam lewat bulan lepas.<br />
Sebab macam pelik tengok orang post dlm ig fitness saying<br />
'Abang sado la'<br />
'Sado la kau skarang bai!'<br />
I was like, ape tu? Mencarut ke hape?<br />
Then , I asked my sister, again..hehe..<br />
And she said 'ha, itupun tak tau ke??*hantuk dahi kat dinding*<br />
'Sado to mcm tough la kiranya'<br />
Sebenarnya benda tu dah lama keluar, aku je blur tak tau. My sis cakap kawan2 dia selalu mengeluarkan perkataan 'sado' time skolah (she's 18)<br />
Okay finee..aku takde kawan la. Dah tak pergi sekolah! Katak di bawah tempurung punya orang. Haha.<br />
<br />
Macam bila kawan time uni cakap<br />
'Gila kentang la kau ni!'<br />
I was like whattt did you said?<br />
Takpenah dengar pun. Why 'gila kentang' why?<br />
'Wei gila kentang ni zaman sekolah aku dulu dah selalu dengar la'<br />
Sumpah ni first time aku dengar.<br />
<br />
I am so boring. Very the village people.<br />
Huh.<br />
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Tapi kalau time iman tak kuat, hah paling jahat aku boleh cakap pun bodoh. Perkataan tahi dalam bahasa inggeris pun boleh keluar kalau ter emo ter marah ter geram.<br />
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Pernah time PMS kot termarah adik dan tercakap bodoh. AHHHH...dia still ingat lagi..see, terlajak perahu boleh diundur terlajak kata..aku sampai skrg menyesal la. Asal la emo sgt..<br />
<br />
Tak suka la.<br />
Aku sekarang cepat cengeng betul.<br />
Senang je nak nangis nak feeling sebak.Type ni pun rasa mcm sedih la pulak. Adoii..<br />
Faktor umur ke apa ni?<br />
Baru 25.<br />
Baca benda2 yang menginspirasikan pun nak cengeng, tgk citer korea pun nangis, time marah pun nangis, time happy pun sebak, tgk kucing kurus sgt pun sebak. Makin sensitif la aku ni..haih..<br />
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Ok la nah belanja gambar roti satu. Cinnamon roll. Nak resepi gi google je okeh.<br />
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<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-44451147489240508142014-04-25T06:22:00.000+08:002014-04-25T06:22:16.130+08:00Bajet<div style="text-align: justify;">
Assalamualaikum dan hai,</div>
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Dah 'lama' tak menaip, rasa kekok nak memulakan mukadimah. Tipikal blogger mencecah tahun nak masuk 4. Awal-awal dulu semua pun nak tuliskan. Haha. Kalau tak percaya <strike>cuba</strike> baca entry awal aku. Eh takpayah lah, sure mengantuk. Boring~</div>
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Why don't you stop writing crap hana?</div>
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Errr</div>
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Pernah jugak berniat murni sebegitu. Banyak kali, actually. Nak 'tutup' terus 'delete' pun pernah terfikir jugak (time emo ). Tapi, aku ni dahlah tak banyak mana amal jariah. Kalau ada entri yang bermanfaat tu, boleh jugak dapat 'share' sikit. At least, entry 'braces' aku membuatkan ada je orang visit blog, walupun blog hambar tuan dia malas nak update. Ceh. Maaf lah. Entry konon-konon 'travelog umrah tahun 2013' dulu pun terhenti setakat Madinah je. Yang kat Makkah langsung nan ado...Haha. Teruk gila 'procrastination' aku ni kan. Awal-awal je bajet berkobar2 nak menulis. Maafkan saya penunggu gua!</div>
<br />
2014? Apo cito?<br />
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Ye, kalau korang mengikuti perkembangan akak , sekarang akak sedang menetap di Jordan ye adik-adik. Akak bukan sesaja nak duduk sini. Tak. Family akak semua berada di sini ye. Sekarang akak bergelar penuntut 'markaz lughah' a.k.a kuliyah bahasa Arab. Baru level 1 jeww korang... Akhir bulan 5 nanti ada final test maka berakhirlah level 1. Semua ada 4 level ye buat pengetahuan adikku sekalian. Diorang cakap start naik level 2 akan jadi lebih susah.. omg camner niii? Oh ya kelas akak 5x seminggu Ahad-Khamis setiap 9.15 am sampai 1pm. Mu'alim a.k.a cikgu 95 % cakap Arabic and lesson 100% in Arabic. English dia so-so je, akak punya Band 3 MUET pun tak leh celen. Gila berlagak..haha Band 3 je kot itupun sebab tak study bebetul sebelum amik test, kalau tak sure Band 5 kan..hahaha. So mula-mula tu macam blur je time dia ajar, Sebab tak faham dia cakap apa. Now ok je. Tips nya adalah : buat-buat faham..hehe.</div>
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Mesti korang tertanya-tanya, apa ke best tak Jordan? Happening tak? Arab handsome tak? Pengsan tak tengok? Ada 'crush' tak kat sesapa? Muehehehe...</div>
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Krik krik krik krik krik...<br />
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Ok, korang cepat hapuskan angan-angan a.k.a imaginasi liar korang semua. Wosh wosh wosh.. akak tak main lah mat-mat arab nih. Dah pangkah awal-awal. Memanglah ada yang 'hot' tang muka. Tapi melihat kehidupan dan ragam'kebanyakan' mereka di sini, terbantut terus 'taste' akak. Mushkilah kabirr..Wahahaha. Akak tetap setia pada oppa-oppa made in Korea . Annyonghaseyo~. Mentang-mentang kat sini dah pekena kimchi + make friend dengan gegirl Korean, terusss feling feling ahhhhhh. Cinta lama berputik kembali<span style="font-size: x-small;">..*dia dah start dah angau kpop*</span><span style="font-size: small;"> Puiii... Korang tau kan taste I macam mana. Haha. Kalau tak Park Yoo Chun, Hyun Bin pun boleh, Seo Ji Sub pun ngam boy group terbaru akak setelah diperkenalkan oleh bff Korean akak kat sini, EXO..korang tau takk? Femes diorang nih.</span></div>
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Oklah, nanti kalau akak ada masa akak sambung lagi ye. Banyak ni nak share. Haha. Dah lama tak share resepi kan. Hah, haritu akak firstime tau masuk Marathon kat Dead Sea. Walaupun takat 10Km sajo. Rasa dah habis hebat dah tu. Haha. Ok lah nak tido, esok nak pergi Ikea. Jangan ingat Malaysia je ada Ikea , Jordan pun dah up satu. </div>
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Bye,</div>
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XOXO</div>
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Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-75262543191833491862014-04-19T02:32:00.003+08:002014-04-19T02:32:50.704+08:00BabbleI am awfully lazy schmezy right now.<br />
No one at home since early morning and yes they are still somewhere in Irbid.<br />
And yes I am staying home , lazy-ing not doing something 'bermanfaat'.<br />
Let me name today 'hari malas sedunia'<br />
Ah habis kalau kantoi dgn bakal mak mentua. Cancel.<br />
Tolonglah harap-harap dan doa sgt mak mentua sporting + dan terima aku yang 'pelik' ni seadanya.<br />
Huarghh..<br />
<br />
Speaking of that ahhh I've been thinking, katakanlah ada orang masuk meminang 'sekarang' dalam this year..what would I do ha?<br />
katakanlah okay..haha..memang tak lah kan..not in my wildest dream la<br />
<br />
NO. I AM NOT READY!<br />
<br />
Seriusly I take this thang way too 'seriously'<br />
Aspirasi aku tentang perkahwinan ni lain kot daripada sesetengah individu. Selalunya lah.<br />
<br />
Dah lah geli la ckp pasal benda ni. Haha.<br />
Tunggulah dulu aku nak kumpul harta sket nak balas jasa mak ayah, lunaskan cita2 dan impian aku, nak travel satu dua negara while single..amin.<br />
<br />
Ya Allah kebalkan lah hati ku bersedia untuk disoal soalan trivia "bila nak kawin nihh?"<br />
"Dah ada pakwe ke belum?"<br />
<br />
Andartu? Pffftttttttttt...whatever!<br />
<br />
Sesungguhnya biarlah kita happy while single daripada derita berdua. Cewah.<br />
<br />
Okay aku baru je terhanguskan kacang kuda yg direbus. Again. Aku lupa nak refill air kcang tu. I am upstairs and tetiba bau benda hangus...see dah kata kan..<br />
<br />
ok lah bye..nak makan kacang hangus..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-57028239164987194072014-04-01T00:36:00.001+08:002014-04-01T00:36:42.484+08:00Stressful dayAhhhh<br />
Am having skin breakout today I didn't go to class and I don't think I can go for tomorrow class either.<br />
Allergy of sunscreen/sunblock. Yes, this kind of ellergy exist people! Selama ni ku ingat aku je yang sensitif terlebih.<br />
Benda ni pernah terjadi masa form 2 and now it happens again at the age of 25. NICE.<br />
<br />
Ahhhhhhhh<br />
Kali ni muka tak puff up and bloated.<br />
Cuma macam kena eczema. Rashes, red spot, itchyness..and yes pedih kena air.<br />
Horror la. Dah la khamis ni ada exam and jumaat ada dead sea marathon.<br />
<br />
Ahhhhhh<br />
Adoiii stress la. Serious takde mood.<br />
What will happen to my face laaa....uwaaa..<br />
Hopefully this thing will subside immediately.<br />
<br />
People please be very cautious when you wear the sunscreen/sunblock. Because ada substance dalam tu yang akan irritates certain people yang have sensitive skin. Me and my 2nd sis pernah kena teruk masa zaman Skolah menengah dulu. Teruk sangat2 and horror now I cannot remember. Sampai kena injection apa semua la baru elok. And my other sis lagi sorang kulit dia tak sensitive dgn active ingredient tu. Dia ok je.<br />
<br />
And being ignorant , aku pakai new sunscreen my youngest sis bought here. Sunscreen mahal la konon. Sempena tak nak muka rentung time lari marathon kat dead sea nanti..so time jogging dkt king hussain park sabtu baru ni aku try la sekali sebab masa dkt malaysia ada pakai sunblock mama beli kat dr yg specialist dlm bidang aesthetic ni. Okay. No irritations. Tapi mahal la satu tube tu. Mmg jrg pakai and tak bawak pun dekat sini.<br />
<br />
And guess what the semalm g bangun tido muka rasa lain macam. Ok fine. Pegi je kelas despite of muka dah rasa itchy and kasar2 mcm kulit kering. And malam tu mula la muka start ada red patches. Ahhh takut..sah la ni penangan kena sunblock.<br />
<br />
Now Alhamdullilah its getting better la kot. Aku tepek honey and cinnamon powder buat mcm mask kat muka.<br />
<br />
Cossmetic yg bnyk chemical stuff ni bahaya la..really. Gotta be careful la kalau nak guna.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-40824995308972232042014-03-13T23:35:00.002+08:002014-03-13T23:35:38.779+08:0025 tahun 6 hari<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJgcJ5nLeV_Yxrw7ll0xDbMAPr_Q83kMh7sLP89EFslxBdR9WIeh2-tx0Ozs9-PMKccqO4PSZSlQirkMmTPjbd9eS5KnKgEwpayDHG3xb3yqWWI4kqSz2_T6VQMygBGSy2fSjPVfqmw6fM/s1600/20140307_201719.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJgcJ5nLeV_Yxrw7ll0xDbMAPr_Q83kMh7sLP89EFslxBdR9WIeh2-tx0Ozs9-PMKccqO4PSZSlQirkMmTPjbd9eS5KnKgEwpayDHG3xb3yqWWI4kqSz2_T6VQMygBGSy2fSjPVfqmw6fM/s1600/20140307_201719.jpg" height="640" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Surprise birthday cake disponsor oleh Uncle Zaimi & family.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg94aMM4PPVhCISM9ceYR0XVByMhgq5l1TO1tVL-3M-2K9d5FmTEHpMz0SMLifa7VTOG34mC7_5c-hpqepqBJ6jQPEP7gEV9AOcyX3boicSweRujMEtKGkhYCq45DK1pwi19H2NY5qFihvf/s1600/20140307_195710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg94aMM4PPVhCISM9ceYR0XVByMhgq5l1TO1tVL-3M-2K9d5FmTEHpMz0SMLifa7VTOG34mC7_5c-hpqepqBJ6jQPEP7gEV9AOcyX3boicSweRujMEtKGkhYCq45DK1pwi19H2NY5qFihvf/s1600/20140307_195710.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The most awaited Nasi Kerabu. Nogori style. </td></tr>
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<br />
Assalamualaikum peeps,<br />
<br />
Alhamdullilah last Friday I turn one year older. Ahaks. <br />
Scientist kata otak manusia mencapai tahap 'maturity' pada usia 25 tahun. <br />
Well, aku rasa betul!!!!!<br />
Aku rasa menjelang usia 25 tahun I take things more seriously though..<br />
Banyak benda ada dalam kepala.<br />
As if this is the year of turning point.<br />
<br />
Ya Allah cepatnya masa berlalu. I started blogging around 2010. Noob uni student. Clueless,hopeless, masih diawang-awangan, berimpian, bermalas-malasan, ambitious..<br />
Now 2014.<br />
Deng.<br />
And now I'm in another continent, sumpah tak pernah terfikir nak sampai sini.<br />
<br />
Sejujurnya, <br />
Looking back those past years, kau akan jadi tertanya-tanya.<br />
Jika aku tahu apa yang aku tahu sekarang, apa yang aku akan buat 3-4-6-8 tahun dulu?<br />
Penyesalan?<br />
<br />
Pada suatu masa dulu mungkin ada ketika aku rasa nak mengalah bila menghadapi satu-satu ujian/dugaan dalam hidup. Ataupun ketika membuat satu keputusan.<br />
Time tu dengan 'ilmu' yang ada mungkin keputusan yang aku buat bukan yang terbaik.<br />
Ya, past is past. Tak mungkin terulang kembali.<br />
Ia adalah yang TERBAIK untuk masa itu.<br />
Noktah.<br />
Setiap kesilapan, set back, failure, success semua itu mencorakkan 25- tahun- aku yang sekarang bukan?<br />
<br />
Banyak benda aku fikir.<br />
Mungkin dulu aku tak kuat, tak ada cukup kefahaman, tak cukup 'ilmu', tak sampai 'akal' untuk berfikir dan digest satu-satu perkara macam sekarang. Now. 25 tahun.<br />
Mungkin akan ada juga tindakkan yang aku lakukan sekarang oleh aku yang berusia 25 tahun, my future 30 years old will not acknowledge it latter.<br />
<br />
Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Percaya pada ketentuan Allah S.W.T, that is the best cure for the heart. What happen now, past and future semua dalam gengamannya. <br />
<br />
Ye,aku ada masanya tertanya-tanya why such and such happen to me..<br />
Bila aku merancang sesuatu, perkara tu tak menjadi..<br />
Bila aku map out my life to this and that, it failed..<br />
Kecewa?<br />
Memang kecewa.<br />
<br />
<em>Ya Allah for whatever course that happen to my life, it all happen with your will,</em><br />
<em>Please guide me thru it Ya Rabb,</em><br />
<em>Please make me among the true believer that only seek refuge from you Ya Allah,</em><br />
<em>Please make me find the means of dunya for the akhirah, </em><br />
<em>Safeguard my tiny little heart, heal all the broken shattered pieces,</em><br />
<em>Remind me when I a little lost in this 'worldly affair',</em><br />
<em>For I know that we humans are not meant for this world.</em><br />
<em>Amin.</em><br />
<br />
Aku seorang yang beragama Islam, memegang kuat rukun Iman dan Islam, percaya pada Allah S.W.T dan Rasulullah tak seharusnya ada rasa kecewa kan? <br />
<br />
For whatever happen, it happen for a REASON.<br />
No what if..<br />
No kalau ..<br />
No regrets..<br />
<br />
Today is your future,<br />
Seize the day.<br />
<br />
Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-43795315302324015922014-02-24T15:30:00.001+08:002014-02-24T15:47:57.598+08:00morning musingMy head are going to explode in any time..<br />
Aaaa I want my precious sleep..<br />
Pagi ni bangun awal my sister kejut<br />
"Bangun cepat siap. Nak pergi balad bangun, kalau tak nak takpayah"<br />
sekali bangun awal2 dengan tak cukup tidurnya to my dismay my mum cakap<br />
"Pukul 10 kita pergi"<br />
I was like whattttt. Now baru pukul 7smth..ahhh..why kejut awal why..see that's a sleep deprive person would react. skrg dah berjangkit perangai arab which is tido lambat..helppppp..Now I cannot sleep back..ahhhhh...make a decent breakfast then makan sambil tgk random Ted talk kat youtube. I love Ted Talks btw..hehe..people sharing ideas in less than 20 minutes.<br />
Balad to kawasan downtown kat Amman btw. Mcm chow kit road laa. Pergi sana pun nak beli sayur je, esok ada makan2 dekat rumah.<br />
Sebenarnya bukan nak ikut sangat pun tapi memandangkan lepas pergi balad my mum akan pergi Yaseer Mall, I have to go. Nak beli barang baking. Yesssss..cream cheese la butter la this and that. Esok ada tetamu dtg rumah. This is the only time I can do my baking experiment. Nasib lah anda para tetamu..Hahahaha..<br />
<br />
Ok la. I got to go now.<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
I woke up everyday to this view..view dari rooftop lagi cantik but excuse my lazinessin taking pic.<br />
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<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-79263184746566989982014-02-17T21:03:00.000+08:002014-02-17T21:03:10.762+08:00Apam-ness bukan awesome-nessAdoi la, hari ni rasa nak buat apam caramel (nama glamer), kalau tak tau, nama kg.dot.com dia apam gula hangus. Haha. Mengerti?<br />
<br />
Semalam rasa nak buat kek jepun. Nama saintifik dia adalah Japanese Cotton Cheese Cake.<br />
Nak habis kan stok crème cheese yang dah nak expired 20.2 ini. <br />
Siapa suka cheese cake?<br />
Aku tak sangat. <br />
<br />
Aku suka try resepi baru.Bila rajin la kan. Rajin itu sangat 'rare' ye. <br />
Lagi suka buat berbanding makan produk sendiri.<br />
Bila dapat komen positive, ahhhh kenyang terus rasanya.<br />
Bila habis licin kena puji kembang sekati, hoih berkobar semangat nak usha resepi baru.<br />
<br />
Bila tak berapa nak jadi,<br />
Amukan lah jadinya. Gila stress.<br />
Kecewa dia memang lain macam. Haha.<br />
<br />
Aku fikir one day nanti bila anak aku request suruh mak dia buat kek,<br />
At least aku tak 'drop-my-water-face'. <br />
Paling tak dia boleh rasa 'wow, terel betul mak aku nih'<br />
Kan?<br />
Berangan tah ape-ape la ni.<br />
Kahkahkahkah.<br />
<br />
Sebab itu yang aku tengok bila lihat mak sendiri<br />
'wow, ape benda je yang mama tak reti buat kan?'<br />
Tapi, mak aku tak suka sangat baking. Hahahaha.<br />
Takpe, serahkan pada anakndamu ini..hewhewhew..<br />
<br />
Mama nak nasi kerabu dengan ayam percik satuuuu!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-60756223774790844362014-02-17T06:32:00.000+08:002014-02-17T06:32:25.309+08:00SebelasAssalamualaikum & hai<br />
<br />
Satu,<br />
Depresi. Salah satu tanda 'tune' hati lari sebab lalai , tak ingat Allah s.w.t banyak-banyak. Ah, tipulah kalau tak pernah rasa 'lost'. Ada semua, tapi rasa tak cukup. Tak bersyukur. <br />
<br />
Dua,<br />
Aku tak rasa aku cool pun. Haha. Errr, mungkin Nampak je cool tapi tak. Swag? Ohhh..vocabulary budak baru nak 'up' tu. <br />
<br />
Tiga,<br />
Aku tak tahu apa aku merapu malam-malam ni tapi aku <em>insist</em> nak menaip sepatah dua. Gian nak <strike>mencarut</strike> mengarut. Macam-macam benda ada dalam kepala. Ahh~<br />
<br />
Empat,<br />
Aku admit aku paling tak <em>aware</em> pasal isu 'Syiria' , 'Syiah', 'GST' lah 'Kangkung' lah..lately aku amik tau jugak isu pertama dan kedua itu. Isu politik lagilah malas nak amik tau.<br />
<br />
Lima,<br />
Aku sedih pasal Syiria. Tak tau pasal apa meleleh air mata tengok video-video di youtube pasal isu ini. Apesalah aku ignorant sangat selama ni. Banyak benda bermain kat kepala otak apesal 'Islam' jadi macam ni? Kesian-sedih-marah-pelik...Aku rasa 'hopeless'. Aku senang-lenang kat sini, tapi di satu ceruk dunia ada saudara seislam yang <em>suffering</em>. <em>I kept thinking, what can I do to help them? </em>Palestin dah 60 tahun tanpa jalan keluar....<br />
<em></em><br />
Enam,<br />
Syiah <em>tottaly </em> SESAT <em>and wasn't part of Islam</em>. They are the real threat of Islam. Aku tahu aku ni tak pandai sangat hal agama tapi cuba juga nak fahamkan apa itu 'Syiah' dan 'ancamannya'. Aku tahu kat Malaysia sekarang tengah hot pasal isu ni. Di youtube ada macam-macam <em>insight</em> mengenai isu ini. Aku sempat dengar kupasan dari Maulana Johari. Type 'maulana johari bahaya syiah' then you got it. Penerangan dia 'detail' dan now aku faham kenapa Syiah tu betul2 BAHAYA. Sumpah takut dan jomlah sama-sama berdoa keselamatan rakyat Malaysia, family-family, kawan-kawan, kita agar dilindungi daripada kesesatan yang sememangnya nyata ini. Amin.<br />
<br />
Tujuh,<br />
Ada time rasa nak layan video-video agama. Iman tu naik dan turun kan? Ada time layan cerita Korea, Running Man lah lagi. Haha. Ada time layan lagu-lagu ape2 entah. Indie? Folks? Lagu2 rare . Konon kita paling 'up' dan 'bagus' le tu..Tapi tak pelik ke bila kita suka dengar lagu entah apa-apa berbanding ayat Al-Quran. Dengar ayat Al-Quran dapat pahala lagi tu, dengar lagu @$@^#&#& dapat apa ye? Tahu tapi buat-buat tak tau. Tak cakap sesiapa. Itu aku. <br />
<br />
Lapan,<br />
Aku manusia yang dalam fasa 'mencari'. <br />
<br />
Sembilan,<br />
Bukak youtube, type syeikh mohammed hoblos. Cuba dengar. Aku suka. Atleast aku dah bagi tahu bukan. Selain Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali Khan he's one of the best.<br />
<br />
Sepuluh,<br />
Aku ada kawan Arab a.k.a jiran. Nama dia Hala. 19. Student Uni of Jordan. Cantikkkkkkkkkk. Aku suka nama dia, infact nama orang arab mostly simple and short with good meaning. Makna 'Hala' adalah 'cantik'. Tapi dia pandai goreng telur je (dia yang cakap)..haha. Hala oh hala.. Takpe nanti aku ajar dia masak . Ye ye je kan.. Apepun, me love you ukhti Hala!! <br />
<br />
Sebelas,<br />
Bye nak tidur.<br />
Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-81095981094225356572014-02-12T21:47:00.000+08:002014-02-12T21:47:01.355+08:00How to mend a broken heart or so?Get lost in the remembrance Allah S.W.T<br />
Ask HIM for the help<br />
Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-25302942803057480312014-02-09T20:54:00.000+08:002014-02-09T20:54:05.230+08:00Hello FebruaryAhh..nothing fancy to be told here. And now dah masuk 2 bulan di sini.<br />
I missed wan atok and semua back then. All the extended fam. And ze best of friends. The telco line sucks here ahhhhhhh..payah la nak faham how it works and the notification keep coming in arabic. Baru top up 5Jd next few days topup gone already. What the..??Org lain punya hp ok jeee..ahhhh geram terus malas nak topup.<br />
Ahh I missed Malaysia already.<br />
Cravings?<br />
I crave for sushiiiiiiiiiii right nowww. Sini mahal kot.<br />
And I want to have nasi kerabu please.<br />
Dua je. Sushi and nasi kerabu. Haha. Benda lain tak kesah.<br />
Now I cannot drive, because I am not entitled for diplomatic id whilst my mum car is registered under diplomatic car, ahhhhh cannot go anywhere anytime. Lagipun driving here, kena bnyk mengucap dulu..haha. kena bnyk bersabar dan skilled. If you think Malaysian driver teruk, meh try drive sini..haha.<br />
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Sekian aduan rakyat yang jauh di perantauan.Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-65768535623964136812014-01-28T22:49:00.000+08:002014-01-28T22:49:04.980+08:00Sticks and Stone<br />
Leaving or being left out?<br />
Which one is harder?Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5326389748986421585.post-46973666684769159082014-01-23T00:04:00.000+08:002014-01-23T18:31:18.178+08:00Hello 2014!<div style="text-align: center;">
Assalamualaikum,</div>
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Hai! Hari ini 22.1.2014 dan masih tak lambat lagi kan nak ucapkan happy new year. Last year (2013) we celebrate at Malaysian Residence in Amman. No fireworks no nothing except for a cold weather. Heh. Tak ada official 'celebration' pun. Makan-makan je dengan few family and catching up stuff between us. I would rather celebrate it at home though (anti-social alert!!), mana pernah celebrate new year pun sebelum ni. </div>
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Anyways, this year, 2014 is going to be 'MY YEAR' haha..In Sha Allah. I got a little plan in hands and yeah. It's time work on it. No new year 'resolution' no more, it shouldn't exist. I think, if you wanna achieve something, get something, you gotta work on it. Anything. Don't have to wait for that 'new year' to kick-in to be able to achieve your dreams. Lets do this! </div>
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Okay, enough of my little 'motivational-speech'. ;)</div>
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So, one of the things I've been working on this year is 'running'. Yeah. I am going to join 10K marathon next April here in Jordan. Dead Sea Marathon. So now tengah gigih berlari despite of cold weather (average 16 degree). I run indoor sekarang, on treadmill. I am not a runner before. Never. I hate running so badly I still remember I have a hard time even running for 30 sec. Pancit!! Haha. Kalau kena merentas desa time sekolah dulu menyumpah-nyumpah tak suka. Before this adalah 'kata' nak join marathon races kat Malaysia, tapi haram. Cakap je lebih tapi tak nak practice pon. </div>
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I don't know, this year I want to do something different and challenging for myself. I want to crushed my fear, crushed my doubts. I want to crushed it so badly and prove myself wrong. Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to get it. I want to have that kind of attitude, and slowly start to work on it. There's sure tons of things I can learn from this journey, hopefully In Sha Allah.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.jo/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=ED0a_yI2EFE5pM&tbnid=5entBPIckS5q3M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Featbetter-runfaster.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F27527452188&ei=fuTfUq6ME4OVtAbB0oDICQ&bvm=bv.59568121,d.Yms&psig=AFQjCNFeHb05tRcWL_waqa_qOfhAAPwdmQ&ust=1390489941057986" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img class="irc_mut" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7dzd0eDxC1ryxn8so1_500.jpg" height="428" id="irc_mi" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="306" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alrite sayang!!! Kita lari sama-sama okeh..I wish this is trueee..*drooling*. Hahahaha...berangan weh.</td></tr>
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Few are my running evidence. Ini sebahagian yang Berjaya di capture. On earlier run, tak teringat pun nak capture.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV6GfXEwlOHBSz49ILsz7mNeAfrGBIPMSsVH2hQYpxhpFMZ3fifuEXbHFNh2sTW7aWZTXIm5i8kQfYWAOnYmRENISyYyjjMYoV2wLmfJowQJkAz3vswBRvAYKY48XMwTVAu5z8H1KtY_Dl/s1600/IMG_20140109_194056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV6GfXEwlOHBSz49ILsz7mNeAfrGBIPMSsVH2hQYpxhpFMZ3fifuEXbHFNh2sTW7aWZTXIm5i8kQfYWAOnYmRENISyYyjjMYoV2wLmfJowQJkAz3vswBRvAYKY48XMwTVAu5z8H1KtY_Dl/s1600/IMG_20140109_194056.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmgjPcuWY-mmj5xkGcRj0kMhd8L1FVRb3jjxTY9aKj4SatIeGb15AsaOawaXOSoENtRHFbuF03ZLLUdhhhwGsjfOzwXTAzaqToD-UbSXiXb9ZRWM9OcB1nvKNx-ZpjchsaeB4WsXlXYVRO/s1600/IMG_20140112_205749.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmgjPcuWY-mmj5xkGcRj0kMhd8L1FVRb3jjxTY9aKj4SatIeGb15AsaOawaXOSoENtRHFbuF03ZLLUdhhhwGsjfOzwXTAzaqToD-UbSXiXb9ZRWM9OcB1nvKNx-ZpjchsaeB4WsXlXYVRO/s1600/IMG_20140112_205749.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh46F80oMJsLCSsTjetsYQLel1ctAHTdOen_s5Mdu6moZ1K7xohJvci6IggjcpePmfRA1ryDncSiq4hli-_qJuikUzTLgRP6k5wdtDHYEwBrp-UeNgvoGSSlRY1Q9GM3xaxqgnDcWrU4tPG/s1600/IMG_20140116_120454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh46F80oMJsLCSsTjetsYQLel1ctAHTdOen_s5Mdu6moZ1K7xohJvci6IggjcpePmfRA1ryDncSiq4hli-_qJuikUzTLgRP6k5wdtDHYEwBrp-UeNgvoGSSlRY1Q9GM3xaxqgnDcWrU4tPG/s1600/IMG_20140116_120454.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2ktFem_9yin5qeDJhLpjX5CEY9gC4cRP4wDj1yJSlStdxkhVxiZW082OCJHAzE7pUNFJiKAM8Lh3MCnZOxjGBGsbYbBGdFXGLxiblDEOTzbooPXaszjMqyuxtS3ETpKSpeItfDQ-4khjJ/s1600/IMG_20140116_193741.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2ktFem_9yin5qeDJhLpjX5CEY9gC4cRP4wDj1yJSlStdxkhVxiZW082OCJHAzE7pUNFJiKAM8Lh3MCnZOxjGBGsbYbBGdFXGLxiblDEOTzbooPXaszjMqyuxtS3ETpKSpeItfDQ-4khjJ/s1600/IMG_20140116_193741.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">4.20min Running + Elliptical. I still remember this day when my calves hurt so much it's hard to run. I want to quit. Keep telling my self to run if I can and then walk. Run and walk. Untill 20:00. Then I added up 10 min on elliptical. Pheww. I am glad I didn't give up so soon.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYxMYYJvyIMx60NoXk85qYpqX4HPa9X_RIwACpmUZG6qfFdstPSrNuD_PuB6TjRQp_3iqjO07Yx36rBQ4ewUBvy91dOvIU6S8FoQ-97vOR4RTYsTpbCUHwtMWjJIDQZhATkRQEegcM3wXp/s1600/IMG_20140120_145453.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYxMYYJvyIMx60NoXk85qYpqX4HPa9X_RIwACpmUZG6qfFdstPSrNuD_PuB6TjRQp_3iqjO07Yx36rBQ4ewUBvy91dOvIU6S8FoQ-97vOR4RTYsTpbCUHwtMWjJIDQZhATkRQEegcM3wXp/s1600/IMG_20140120_145453.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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Oh ya, I run 4 x per week. Alternate with strength training. and yeah never ever forget to REST. Super important. The last thing you wanna do is to get injured.</div>
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Till then,</div>
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Bye.</div>
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xoxo</div>
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Hannah Haykhallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240085409488347789noreply@blogger.com2