How to mend a broken heart?

Honestly, I don't have the answer.
My sweet-highschool best friend is now in a complicated phases of her 4 years relationship with her ehemm..boyfriend.

She asked my opinion about this matter. Or 'nasihat'.

It's hard to say a thing. Because I've never been through stuff like that. Melukai dan terluka kinda thing. #truestory

He changed. She's hurting. A lot of tears all night long. Life is not the same anymore, without him. Uhuk uhuk..Cliche?

The thing is, why he's not the same anymore?

Pantai pun berubah sekali badai menghempas inikan pulak hati manusia. *cerekarama punya skrip*

Perkara yang cliche inilah yang terus berlaku. Sayang kan? Kenapa perempuan (selalunya) kena macam ni. Bila time nak usha awal perkenalan dulu, semuanya sanggup, semuanya 'possible' . Bila dah tak sayang, he keeps his distance. Bagi alasan itu ini. Tapi still cakap 'sayang'. Sayang apa bendanya macam tu??

"I'm just hoping he'll remember me back someday"
"I thought, he's really the one"
"I've been crying all night long"
"I called, dia tak angkat"
"You tak rasa ke lelaki semuanya sama?"

Ughhhh...

"Tak. Dia tak akan ingatkan you lagi dear. "
"No,kita tak pernah sure yang mana satu 'the one' "
"You kena kuat dear. Be strong!!!"
"He certainly has changed"
"Maybe. Man can be sux at times"

Mmmm.
I just want you to be 'happy' again. Be yourself again. Focus on your chambering.
Focus on your work. Takmo sedih-sedih lagi.

Move on, eventhough it's hurt.*cakap senang,yes I tahu* 
Ini ujian untuk you. Allah has a way better plan for you.
And I'm going to be there for you dear. Love!!
Percayalah, you deserve lelaki 1000x lebih baik daripada dia.
I doakan yang terbaik untuk you dear! Always.

Benda macam ni lah yang selalu menakutkan aku. Hmmm..

Rindu

So, simpan dalam hati. Duduk diam-diam okeh. Rindu!

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Selamat Hari Raya, in advanced...haha...

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Aku kerja time raya. Cuti sehari the day before raya.

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Baju raya tak siap lagi, mungkin esok. Kot.

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Gigi aku dah ok sikit. Tak sakit sangat. Teeeheee..

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Kedai dah semakin 'gila' setiap hari starting from berbuka puasa. Serious gila. Asyik full house sampai kena halau customer. Lain kali, book dulu ye!


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It's okay

Mungkin bukan aku yang 'someone' tu.
So it's fine.
It's okay then.
It's okay......
Walaupun aku tak rasa okay sangat.
Sebab........
Sigh.

It's just so complicated i can't even describe how we've come so far.
Entahlah.
You'd realize if you can read those signs, cues and all.
Dah penat main hide and seek.
Dah penat tipu perasaan sendiri.
Dah penat harap dia faham.
Dah penat.
Penat.
So, aku rasa aku perlu spend time untuk diri sendiri.
Untuk tak expect apa-apa.
Untuk terima semua seadanya.

I'll keep my distance.

Nak berehat selama 40 hari dari blog, internet dan semuanya.
We'll see how it goes.

Nice knowing you btw. You.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Falling

Because the best part is falling.
Heaven.

Suka tengok dia senyum. Suka!
Tengok dari jauh aje pun.
Jauh sangat tak tahu kalau dia sedar ke tak.
Hai awak!!*waving hands*

Tak, ni bukan crush ke apa ke.
Haha. And nope ini bukan mamat pakai tee hijau and khakis tu. Itu cerita basi dah pun.
This is real.

Susah sangat ke nak confess?
We are so lost in translation.

I hope we are real.

A husband is so hard to find

"Ada boyfriend?"

"Tak." dengan tulus ikhlas aku jawab. Haha.

"Tipu.." dia tak percaya. Semua pun tak percaya.

"Tak percaya sudah."

Errrrghh. Wajib ke ada boyfriend? Hidup tak boleh jalan ke kalau tak ada boyfriend?

Kenapa ni semua orang tanya??? Stress!

Aku taknak boyfriend, aku nak suami. Boleh tak tolong cari kan? Gila.

Hmmmmm..

Lelaki yang 'tidak menakutkan' macam dah pupus. Endangered species. Nearly extinct.

Speaking of that, aku tak ingat the exact day and time, but it was last week. On the way balik kerja, nak dekat 12 am. Drive sorang2. Bukak fly.fm.Lepas tu menangis time bawak kereta. Aku tak tahu apa yang sedihnya, but the fact that I cried over a song sangat lah pathetic. It was not really because a particular song, but entahlah.

Lonely could be the best word to describe how I felt at that particular time.

Sunyi dalam riuh.

Being busy is the best cure I guess.

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All About Us

I realized that, if you're hiding your sacred heart then no one can ever reach out to you. Let it out. Open up. Just take the risk. Play safe? It's about taking chances and trying. No harm in trying. What's more pathetic than failing is giving up before even trying. Period.

Inspired by, Just In Love-Joe Jonas.

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The ugly side of l.o.v.e

Aku banyak nak cerita (as in menulis). Too much idea at the same time, tapi lama juga termenung depan skrin putih ni. Tak tahu mana nak cerita dulu. Oh, tak kisahlah ada orang peduli ke tidak tapi yang penting i need to vent it out.

We had a conversation yesterday. With my closed friends. Few of them. Borak itu ini. Catching up things. Banyak sangat perkara yang aku belajar (aku fikir begitu lah..pelajaran hidup). Kisah macam mana one of our firends kena 'guna-guna' dengan lelaki hidung belang, kisah gadis ex-maahad boleh terlanjur dengan boyfriend (kawan kepada kakak kawan aku) padahal sembahyang tak tinggal (awal waktu), mengaji, tudung labuh, pakai stokin some more dan dia memang baik gila lah pendek kata. Ciri-ciri wanita solehah.

Emm. Mendengarnya pun gerun juga kan? Anything can happen. Tentang kawan kitorang yang terkena 'guna-guna' tu memang real. Tak rasa pelik ke bila gadis stock sembahyang tak tinggal, baca yassin hari-hari, parents call 3 kali sehari boleh jadi the opposite lepas kenal dengan seorang lelaki yang memang keparat. Sangat drastik. Kenal seminggu je. Dah keluar senyap-senyap berdua-duan. 

Macam mana gadis yang dulu kalau keluar dengan bekas kekasih pun mesti berteman dengan kawan, boleh keluar merempan dengan lelaki keparat tu sampai pukul 2 pagi.  Kadang-kadang sampai tak balik langsung. Even sampai dah berani keluar kolej dan tak balik-balik lagi. Duduk menyewa kat luar padahal kawan-kawan dia semua memang dalam kolej. Duduk dengan siapa dekat luar kan. Tak ke pelik?

Even lelaki tu (yg suka gebang pung pang  cakap besar) pernah mengaku yang dia pernah tidur dengan ex-girlfriend dia dulu. Memang teruk ah lelaki tu. Dah lah muka tak semenggah, perangai buruk pulak tu. Lagilah. Lepas tu kenakan anak dara orang. Okay, aku admit, she's pretty. Cute lah. Tapi , takpayah lah guna cara macam ni sekali kalau sukakan seseorang. Kejam betul.

Serious, sebab her best friend sendiri dah face to face dengan mamat keparat tu and provoke lelaki itu dengan berpura-pura tanya tentang ilmu pengasih itu semua. Konon-konon macam berminat lah. Padahal dia memang dah syak daripada awal  yang kawan dia memang dah terkena.Dan, lelaki tu memang mengaku dia belajar ilmu tu semua. Sadly, her girlfriend memang tak percaya langsung. Macam-macam cara dah guna nak 'sedarkan' dia, tapi tetap tak jalan.  Dia macam terawang-awang dan tak nampak sekeliling melainkan lelaki tu.

Semuanya berlaku dalam masa satu semester saja. Her last sem. Her bestfriend pernah terjumpa keris kecil yang berbalut kain kuning dalam that girl pencil case.Dia pernah konon-konon nak pinjam keris tu dan bawa balik ke bilik dia tapi tak sampai malam, dia dah demam. Memang scary lah. Dan kalau that girl makan makanan selain daripada lelaki itu masak, memang dia akan muntah-muntah dan cirit birit.

Aku fikir benda-benda ni macam karut. Tapi bila tengok depan mata, baru aku tahu benda-benda macam ni masih wujud lagi. Hmm, tak tau nak cakap apa.

Bukankah kalau kita sayang seseorang, kita akan bawa dia berubah manjadi lebih baik. End up, dua-dua akan jadi a better person. Barulah healthy relationship. Saling mempengaruhi untuk menjadi lebih baik, bukan menjadi lebih teruk.

The right one will always, always bring you up, not down.  

"Like it or not, he has made (and continues to make) me better. Not different, mind you, but better. He has done what I imagine all great people should do: he has come into my life and made me more me. He hasn't changed who I was before; he's made me more of who I have always been meant to be. With his love, his encouragement, and his belief in me, the puzzle pieces of my life that always seemed to be getting lost or pushed into the wrong spaces are now fitting together perfectly, snapping into place and creating this complete and beautiful picture of who I am."

-Quoted from my favourite motivational website-

That's how it suppose to be. Sangat sihat lagi menyihatkan jiwa ye tak? 

Kadang-kadang bila mendengar perkara-perkara negative (terlampau banyak) pasal two hearts that deeply-madly in love yang gone wild and crazy, memang menakutkan. Sangat scary sampai kau fikir, emm let's quit love. Lebih baik jadi single-forever daripada terlibat dengan perkara-perkara yang tak sihat ni.Nauzubillah...

Tengok berita, gadis hilang dan dijumpai dibakar setelah dirogol oleh 'kekasih' sendiri, gadis diperdaya teman lelaki and doing legitimate things, bersekedudukan (budak2 uni) padahal muslim, bunuh kekasih sendiri gara-gara cemburu...banyak lagi laa..tak sangup dah nak tahu dan dengar lagi.

How weird is that love can be right? Itu cinta kah? Kalau lelaki tu betul-betul dan sungguh-sungguh sayang, tak kan tergamak dia nak sentuh apatah lagi buat benda-benda tak tentu hala sebab dia tau, she is far too precious than all the instant pleasure stuff that can kill. Be a man lah. Masuk meminang terus kan. Habis cerita. Tu je buktinya he is really into you girls. Ataupun, book cepat-cepat. Jumpa mak bapak. Tunang terus. Kan?

I wish mine to be simple. Simple love. Tak grand dan hebat, tapi sederhana. Tak payah gaduh-gaduh over small things. He/She is like your own blood-relative and you feel like home whenever he/she is around. Mutal understanding. Lot's of sparks. Eternity. Timeless.

"True love, the real kind that both gets your blood pumping with excitement and has the ability to stand the test of time, comes not alone but hand-in-hand with respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness. If you don't have those things in your relationship, then you don't have true love and you're missing out on some of the vital elements that make being in love worthwhile."

"If you want to know one of the greatest things I've learned about love, it's this: if someone loves you with his whole heart and soul, he will make you a better person simply by being himself. "

-Both Quoted here-

From Perlis with love...

While on the go (up north), i can't help but thinking of something.*dah sampai Seremban and tomorrow will be leaving home to Kuching...sobs sobs..*

"you are not even a significant person in my life, why on earth do i need to care of you..unless if you're my husband, then you are my no.1 priority..."

Okay, maybe hellioz post: @ Terfakab something like that did inspired me to think of that..

It is funny when we were so called in love (obviously not me..haha), and when you gave everything ( in terms of love..) then suddenly you and him/her on the verge of breaking up..you had nothing then...

It is funny when two person who are insanely in love and lovey dovey boleh jadi musuh ketat..pelik betul...bila dah putus, saling benci membenci. Maki sana, maki sini. Errr, apa yang tinggal?all the good things, terus tak nampak..haish....

Wasting time, wasting energy..

Mungkin daripada mula, niat mereka lain..ataupun tak ada niat yang spesifik pun..saja nak test market..mungkinlah kan...bila kita tak ada matlamat dalam perhubungan, we tend to drift away. Bosan. Bila dah bosan apa susah? Putus saja.

While we were in Perlis, it's like walking down the memory lane for my dad..sebab lepas bertunang dan semasa bertunang dengan my mum dalam 28 tahun yang lampau, he had to stay there..while my mum pula dekat maktab perguruan di kl...so, they kept the relationship via letter..no phone call or sms thingy ( obviously..haha)...

Bertunang selama 3 tahun...agak-agak orang muda mudi sekarang bolehkah sesetia itu..tunggu tiga tahun? With limited meetings and all..anything can happen dude..

Ikhlas, good intention, tak nak malukan mak ayah dekat kampung maybe adalah faktor yang menyebabkan hubungan orang- orang dahulu sangat utuh...unlike the y generation now..unlike us...or mungkin ada juga yang begitu, tapi tak ramai. Oh lupa, orang sekarangkan ramai scandal..kan kan kan?

"inilah kedai ayah belikan mama kain buat baju tunang dulu..mahal oooo..dulu ayah manalah berduit sangat"ayah mention bila kami lalu dekat one of the roads in kangar..

Yelah, waktu tu ayah baru jadi grad daripda maktab tentera diraja..kiranya baru start kerja lah kan..mana nak hantar duit untuk orang tua dekat kampung lagi...he is the breadwinner in the family...

"ramai ooo yang nak mengurat. Maklumlah pegawai muda. Badan kecik molek lagi masa tu (masa itu sahaja..haha). Bila pergi bandar Kangar, ramai sales girl yang terbuntang biji mata. Kalau boleh, diorang nak nikah dengan kitaorang dan dan tu juga" ayah cerita pada kami...

Ayah aku kata, kalau kita senangkan hati mak ayah InsyaAllah laluan hidup kita akan jadi smooth sahaja...

He is the living proof.

Lepas putus cinta ( before he meets mum), ayah terus tak toleh belakang. Dia just fikir nak kerja elok-elok, nak tolong wan and atok dekat kampung, tolong adik beradik yang 9 orang tu..dan kemudian, ayah jumpa mama. Not literally meet up, but diatur family*ayah aku suruh cari cikgu juga sebab his ex pun cikgu juga..haha*...kenal kenal, then bertunang 3 tahun...kemudian kahwin..now happily married for 24 years..how easy was that.

Aturan tuhan juga itu. Aturan yang sangat indah dan sempurna. Lari celah mana pun, jika dah termaktub jodoh , akan jumpa juga ye tak? Bercinta bagai nak rak dengan orang lain pun, akhirnya jika dah tersurat tiada jodoh antara kalian, lepaskanlah dengan rasa senang hati. Kita berjumpa dengan orang yang salah untuk berjumpa dengan orang yang betul bukan?Kenanglah perkara-perkara yang indah-indah sahaja.Maafkan dan move on.Hati akan rasa lebih tenang.Oh, mungkin dia curang, tapi kita tak adalah serendah itu untuk membenci. Sebab dalam hati kita ada sejuta ruang kemaafan...dia boleh sahaja senang-senang lukakan kita, tapi kerana kita adalah manusia yang sangat kuat jiwanya, we forgive. And we move on. Kita sentiasa ada pilihan. Nak berdendam sampai ke sudah ataupun memaafkan. Tak kurang apa pun kalau kita memaafkan bukan? Hati tenang, hidup senang...

Moga bercinta secara sederhana okay. Kita bersama si dia untuk belajar sesuatu yang kita tak tahu. Tentang hidup. Saat dia melafaz akad, barulah dia adalah segala-galanya bagi kamu. Barulah frasa "you are my everything"  releven. Save the best things last.

I think I need to Flirt Around, Not.

I just don't have any idea to write but, I knew that every cells of me say *"you should write something. That'll make you more sane"*

Kidding.

So now that I'm 22, people around me ask if I've already have that someone special. Emmm, seriously guys, does that even matter to have 'someone' . Seriously?


"Do you have a bf? As in, b-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d?"

Do I look like a loser if I'd say NO?

Honesty is the best policy. LOL. So, there we go.

"No. Capital N and O."

"That can't be. Tak kan seorang pun tak ada?"

"No."

Senyap. Okay, you'd probably think that I'm a loser. Shoot.

Weird.Hey, I know you've been through lots of relationship. But, that doesn't give you any liberty to brag on that. Screw you~

Faham tak jodoh tu apa? Faham tak?? Kalau bercinta bagai nak rak 10 tahun tapi jika dia bukan jodoh kau, tak ke membazir tenaga namanya tu.

It's complicated. Period.

Mungkin aku patut jawab soalan dia dengan jujur. Mungkin.

"Tak gedik, tak manja, tak peramah (with total stranger), tak suka mencapap, tak ada visual yang bagus, tak suka make-up, bukan fashionista. Tapi pandai  suka as in, boleh memasak . Do you get it. That's me "

Haha~memang bukan gadis idaman jejaka langsung. Screw the list !! #Screweverything.

If you don't have anything to ask, you'd better STFU..

Once a lover always a lover

*Currently playing: Blurry, Puddle Of Mud*~High School Fav Song

I just got a news rumors saying that my little sis got a BF (boyfriend)...
Already?
Langkah bendul kottt..
The other younger sister reported that  her sister got call every 10 minutes eversince she's back from semester holiday.
One day my sister curik-curik dengar the other sister talking to the phone and it's a man voice. Sah!
I was like, really?
Are you for real?

Wow, 
I will defiently going to lecture her if only she's toying with the guy.
Because I knew my sis very well.
She's a very very very good girl and naive and I'm afraid someone might just checking on her.
And she fall into man's trap. God forbid.
She's very soft yet so degil.

Love can turn you blind.
And make a fool out of yourself.
Tak macho.

Antara contoh-contoh yang aku dah lihat di sekeliling especially my friends,
Kau nasihatlah apa pun dekat orang yang tengah hangat bercinta,
Satu benda pun tak masuk dalam kepala diorang.
Semua benda sweet.
Salah pasangan tak nampak langsung. Semua baik-baik belaka.
Tapi bila dah bergaduh....
Tsunami + Tornado.

Well, If you've find one then it's good.
Benda-benda macam ni 'just happen'.
Kot. Aku tak tahu.
Deep down memang aku rasa my sis yang akan kahwin dulu from me.
And I just can't imagine my self being married any time soon.
Maybe lagi 7 tahun kot. Maybe 8, 9, 10....who knows.
And now I'm 22.

Nak jadi selfish dulu boleh?
Tak nak fikir pasal siapa-siapa dan apa-apa.
Kenapa dia dan apa yang dia ada.
Kenapa dia suka aku dan kenapa aku suka dia.
Teka itu dan teka ini.
Seriously, sangat memenatkan.

Entah.
Aku tak rasa aku layak untuk sesiapa.
Aku selalu fikir macam-macam.
What's next after  a  relationship?
What will happen the next after 10 years of marriage?...
Bila anak dah 3 orang, is there still 'spark' somewhere in the heart?
Tak bosan ke? Boleh ke cinta tu kekal sampai rambut pun dah memutih?
Sama lagi ke cinta yang ada sejak awal mula-mula dating?
Sama lagi ke layanan kita terhadap pasangan?
Sama lagi ke pandangan kita terhadap si dia?
Ramah lagi ke kita sama macam waktu mulu-mula berkenalan?
Walau alaignment badan dah lari, muka makin berkedut, ingatan makin hilang, perut makin buncit,
sayang lagi kah kita pada pasangan?
Kalau ditakdirkan kita jatuh sakit badan dah tak sebugar dulu, setiakah dia pada kita lagi?
*This is the pessimist side of me talking*

Mens are visually stimulated. Fact.
So, to win their heart, you just got to look good.
But, I seek someone that  can look beyond what lies ahead of him.
He's not just looking, but seeing with his heart.
A  men with reasons.

Be a bitch, you'll get one too.
It's karma.
Beware of what you wanna be.

single but not available

Salah satu sebab mengapa aku rasa 'couple'/'berpacaran'/'lovebirds' and so on * when 2 heart intercept each other*
menjengkelkan ialah apabila kita akan jadi 'infatuated' kepada pasangan masing-masing. Sikit-sikit dok smsed/called/facebook-ing/skyp-ing/ym-ing. Like you got no other things to do.

Besides, they tend to put on a fake mask. Pretending to be someone else to bait a lovers heart. So fake.Fake 1000 times. Pretentious.

Soalan wajib setiap hari:

" Yang (sayang) *fill in the blank with whatsoever mushy mushy name*, dah makan ke?"

"Awak rindu saya tak?" (padahal baru jumpa kat kelas 2 jam lepas)

"Jom keluar. Nak jumpa. Rindu gilaaaaaaaaa ni" (gilaa ke nak jumpa sehari 5 kali?)

"Busy ke? Kenapa tak balas msg ni sayang?" ( kalau 5 minit lambat balas sms)

Tak puas sms, bergayut 7 jam sampai telinga jadi panas. Terkondensasi telinga dibuatnya (sila rujuk science form 1) . Tak tau lah  dok cerita apa kan sampai 7 jam. Fuhh~lama gila tuh. Dari lepas isyak sampai nak masuk Subuh.

24 jam asyik terkenang akan kekasih hati yang jauh nun di sana (padahal satu kolej kot). Ironically, the other so called half itu sikit pun tak heran pasal kita. Tertipu.

Bagi aku, it's painfully excruciating thing to do.

Attachment.

"The moment you get TOO attached to things, you'll screw it up". It's a fact.Period.

"Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be and where they choose to be. Love is allowing people to be in your life out of chocie. To have something or someone, you let go."
-Andrew Matthews-

I treat things (relationship) seriously.
Setakat nak pasang dua tiga spare tyre (scandal thingy), goofing around and checking things out,
I'll skip that. Thanks, but no thank you.
So not unfair for your 'other half' who is  insanely crazy at you.

Brace your self.
You are about step into the zone.
Where you are a hostage.
Innocent heart at a stake.
Prisoner of war.
War of love.

And when I'm serious,
I'll say "game over".
"we should get married".

This is serious business dude!
So dead serious.

I-got-it-from-tumblr