Thursday, October 24, 2013

Love Tug

Assalamualaikum and hai!

Pheww, finally *lap sawang* I feel like blogging now. Now that, most the stuff yang di 'put off' kan telah dilakukan, semua macam dah setel, dah tak serabut so mood blogging datang kembali. Heh. Aku ada tebiat yang selagi satu-satu benda tak setel, selagi tu banyak benda yang akan jammed dalam kepala otak.Bila jammed, mood down, bila mood down effect kreativiti, bila kreativiti tak ada maka-tak ada idea=malas. Eh? Faham tak? Haha. Takpe, tak penting.

Oktober 2013.

Masa untuk berubah. Tak payah tunggu 2014 untuk buat resolusi. Infact, setiap hari pun kita kena usaha untuk buat perubahan. Progress. Mencari 'makna' dalam hidup. It's never too late to change.

Ok, enough of that.

So, tadi pergi KL dengan little sister. I drive, dia duduk sebelah. Kita borak-borak. Pasal 'life'. Pasal lelaki. Pasal kahwin. Pasal relationship.

My little sister is a very shy-muslimah style-lemah lembut-sweetheart unlike me yang okay, takde lah baik sangat kan.Haha. Ok, pemalu tu mungkin sama. 

I'm not going to spilled the detail here *biarlah rahsia*, tapi intipati yang kami borakkan adalah berkenaan sekitar topik 'cinta'. We both has never been in a ehem serious relationship dengan guys (we can if we want,our parents has no objection in this area asalkan tak melangar syariah. masalahnya anak dia yang tak nak). Ok, lame. Fine whatever lah kan. But, on the other hand, she's very strict with her rules of not having any relationship with the opposite sex a.k.a the boys. No msg-ing in FB (kalau tak de hal penting), no sms-es (kalau tak ada hal penting), infact ramai her guy friend yang telah di offend-kan olehnya. Hehe. That thing, I 'hats off' to her.

And, adalah one of boys yang 'melamar' dia. Melamar as in nak jadikan isteri. Serius ni. He saw  her in his 'istikharah' and she in the other side after many times of istikharah too, are not in the same page. Dia 'pursue' lagi my sister, dengan yakin bahawa my sister is his jodoh. Yakin. How 'yakin' can you be bro? 

Dalam hidup, benda yang kita 'kejar', pasti akan lari. Realiti.

Sometimes, kita kena belajar 'let go', chill. It's okay to confess to someone how they meant a world to you. It's okay to have feelings. Itu fitrah. Normal.
What is meant to be, will always find it's way.
Bila terlampau 'mengejar', apa perasaan pihak satu lagi yang perlukan masa? 
Annoyed. Bila annoyed? Do you still stand a chance?

Do you get lonely sometimes?
Yes, I do. 
Ada masa , rasa we need a company.Rasa best tengok couples. *macam best* sambil dalam hati fikir haih bilalah orang nak masuk meminang ni.Bila nak ada boyfriend ni , nak dating-dating.. Puiii..*geli ohh*

Bila lonely, adakah dengan ada boyfriend itu boleh buat hari-hari macam ada fireworks dalam hati?
Boleh ke? Kalau boleh I nak tempah. Boleh?? hehe..

I have enough love of my dear parents and family and friends, so do I need to add one more space?
I thinks, that's enough for now. Yang ada ni pun susah nak handle...fuuuuhh.

Aku rasa itu sebab I couldn't afford to try to flirt with anyone. Sebab, selalunya mesti tak jadi. Satu, sebab #malu. Dua, sebab #eh? tetiba rasa perlukah? I feel loved by everyone around me, so why do I need this boy? I need  solid justification untuk sedapkan hati.#Tiga, buang karan + buang masa + buang duit + buang perasaan = wasted. Empat, #ok fine, aku tau aku tak hot setuff..fineee. haha.

Bila fikir-fikir balik, nampak macam disaster dan lame (pada sudut pandangan yang tak ingat dosa dan asyik nak sukaa je), tapi bila fikir dalam-dalam, macam sebenarnya Allah s.w.t tu nak protect my very heart dari dicuri pencuri yang jahat dan merosakkan  (pada sudut pandangan positif). I couldn't thank Allah more for that. Syukur Alhamdullilah. See, he loves you more. Sweet kan?

Zaman jahiliah. Phewww. Ya Allah, kalau mak-pak tau ni habiss..It's not like diorang tak bagi nak you know-ada someone-at this stage-24-finished college-menanggur somemore. Bagi. Nak berkawan-kawan takpe, tapi mesti mintak izin mak ayah dulu. Tapi rasa tak best bila menduakan ibu bapa gituu *flashback*..Rasa berdosa. 

Now at 24 , aku melihat perkara ni dalam perspektif yang berbeza . Bagi aku (read:me ), relationship yang 'halal' girls-boys sama dengan = kahwin. Selagi tak legal, selagi tu aku tak akan investkan hati dan perasaan untuk mengelakkan kekecewaan pada diri sendiri. Kalau kita tak jaga diri sendiri, siapa lagi kan? With serious relationship, comes responsibility and commitment. Bercinta ni, rasanya susah nak bagi 'full' or 101% two factor stated above. Bila rasa boring or falling out of love, mana-mana pihak boleh ciao bye-bye, angkat kaki lari. Sebab tak ada 'binding contract' kan? It's not fair pada pihak yang betul-betul commit to that relationship kan? sian dia kecewa makan hati sorang-sorang...

At 24, aku rasa banyaaaaakkk benda yang kena diperbaiki dalam diri. Macam soal hubungan dengan Allah s.w.t , the very source of love yang sendiri pun tak di 'fix' kan lagi, soal kehidupan dunia akhirat, ilmu yang perlu dicukupkan buat bekalan, hubungan dengan manusia sekeliling , cita-cita dan impian hidup. Banyak perkara yang kena sort out dulu. Slowly, but surely.

Aku selalu fikir yang Allah s.w.t ni dah prepare kan dah the very 'jodoh' untuk aku. It's just that sebab dia tu level dia tinggi sikit ( interms of deen and character). So in order to match him with me, I have to do some work on my self to match with him. Kan? Sangka yang baik-baik je. So, tak yah serabut sangat pasal jodoh ke apa ke. Just work on improving your deen and character, by any time In Sha Allah bila the time has come tadaaaaa....*bunyi kompang* . Lagipun, being married or being wives are not the only door to Jannah, kan?

Ya Allah,  please guard my heart and shower it with your love. Only you. Ameen.





1 comment:

erine roslan said...

You sure will find your prince charming. It is just a matter of time. I've been there done that :)