Sunday, September 17, 2017

Hello 2017

[Maaf kerana entri ini menggunakan dwi-bahasa a.k.a bahasa rojak]


Oh hai blog.
It has been awhile. Well, it has been ages since my last entry.
2 tahun lepas kot. haha

Ada masa rindu itu datang untuk aku teruskan merakam ingatan dalam blog ini.
Ada masanya rindu it ada, tetapi mindaku beku. Haha.
Serius janggal rasanya sebab dah lama tak menaip sebegini.
Kekok.

Sekarang kita berada di bulan september 2017.
I mula menulis blog sekitar akhir 2010.
Wow hampir 7 tahun lamanya. Phew~
Maknanya I started blogging when I was 21.
And now I am 28. But people  kata , still nampak I mcm 18. Serius tak tipuuu.. Hahaaha..

Wow. A LOT of things has happened since then.
A LOT.

To be where I am now, at this point..
I've been though a lot.

Kalau nak flashback, panjang sangat. Cuma apa yang I ingat adalah pembahagian fasa-fasa kehidupan yang I dah lalui setakat ini.

///Fasa kehidupan di universiti dan drama yang berlaku waktu itu (I almost quit my study half-way. And I am glad I didn't quite eventhough I dont like what I'm doing at that time. Thanks parents)

//fasa kehidupan bekerja. I kerja sekejap je. I wanted to pursue in culinary at that time (time tulah..haha. now I am not). Still a lost puppy. I officially graduated on October 2012. Kerja dekat secret recipe from April-August 2012, Guru ganti September-November 2012. Then I didnt do nothing at that time because on late December we were going for umrah. So I malas nak cari kerja sebab for sure by the time I dapat kerja nanti susah nak dapat cuti for my umrah trip. So I tanam anggur dulu la.

///Post umrah I didn't do nothing then staying at home je, and  on Mac 2013 I registered for Diploma in Pastry & Bakery. Nak pursue study in that field. Felt like it was my calling. Sumpah waktu tu I sendiri tak pasti if that's the right thing to do or not. Sumpah I tak tau apa yang I nak dalam hidup. At that time, I rasa I should go for what I like and What I do best which is baking. 

why I tak cari kerja based on my degree? I rasa degree I tak berguna sebab I pun tak suka apa yang I belajar, and what can I say more. Tak semangat nak cari kerja dan tak tahu nak kerja apa..haih. Kesilapan memilih course. Ingat ye adik2 jangan main ambil je course yang datang dekat kita (kes kena lelong lepas matrikulasi). I should have take diploma je kan..aih, takpelah benda dah nak jadi. Itu adalah perkara yang terbaik ketika itu.

///Fasa holiday, for 1 year out of Malaysia: belajar 1 semester je di culinary college.Oh ya, when I was in college, I did part time job at Starbucks. Great experience. End of 2013 we're moving to middle east. I quit my diploma. I studied arabic language there. Stay there until end of December 2014

///Fasa post holiday: I was sick. Got under the knive to remove lumps in my  right neck in January 2015.  I masuk bilik bedah 9 am, and kelaur pukul 4pm. Lama gila operation. Lumps tu actually dah lama ada (2 yrs). Then it get bigger and painfull at that point. I was so sick mentally and physically after surgery. My shoulder, right hand cannot function. I tak boleh angkat tangan buat apa2 aktiviti guna tangan and angkat benda2 berat. Seriusly I rasa tertekan dan hopeless. Rasa diri tak berguna. I seriusly tak tahu nak buat apa sebab I physically unhealthy. So I try jadi agent jual rumah, real estate agent but susah wei. dahlah tak ada gaji. No customer no money la. I quit the job. And then I try jul kuih raya. Sadly it didnt work. 

I am so unmotivated. Sebab my bahu still hurts doing so many things. Baring pun sakit. Sampai I tak boleh mengiring ke kana for almost 1 yr smth. I nak luruskan tangan nak touch card touch n go di tol pun siksa. Nak pakai bra pun x boleh. Awal2 dulu nak pakai bra sakit sebab tali bra tu tekan bahu kan. haha..sedih ooo..Bila now I dah dapat luruskan tangan, bersyukur gila. Nikmat yang kita pandang enteng selama ni. 

I macam lost gila time tu. Rasa tak guna. I avoided people be it relatives, friends. I putuskan hubungan dengan semua orang. I avoid going out. I became so negative about life. Cuma I tak sampai suicidal thoughts je lagi. Orang nampak I luaran okay, happy je, sebab I good at faking things. Haha. I tak tahu yg simptom2 yg I rasa at that time adalah depression until my friend ( she got diagnosis with major depression by certified doctor ) said, simptom2 yg I lalui adalah depression. Time yang sangat down. Hopeless.

Nama pun kehidupan kan.
Actually best juga ada blog ni kan.
Bila sampai one point of your life, you boleh walk through memory lane. Reminisce your sweet and bitter memory. I cringe la baca entry-entry lama. Tak terbaca lagi ni. Hehe..


P/S: Fasa seterusnya nanti I sambung la (kalau rajin) . Mengantuk ni. Nak tidur. Byeee



Thursday, July 2, 2015

no idea

Aku nak menulis. Tapi tiada idea.
Rasa macam wow bekunya otak.

Trials, stuff happens.
We hope and dream and then thunder came in and crush our dream and hope.
Sigh.

Itulah kehidupan agaknya. Untuk diriku versi ke 26 tahun.

Aku tarik nafas panjang-panjang dan katakan pada diriku versi ke 26 tahun.

This is nothing, ujian ni khas utk diriku, tailored just for me sent from the almighty high above the sky.

Kanak2 pelarian rohingya itu lagi susah dari diriku. Kasihan mereka.

Hard time shall pass.

This is life.