Thursday, December 4, 2014

4th quarter of 2014 ; The Story of My Life

Assalamualaikum & hye

Apa khabar? Haha..awkward.
Its been awhile.
Sometimes no news is a good news.
Or maybe just not.

No, its just me. Tahap kemalasan tidak terbendung.
In terms if writing junk in this space where doesnt sems relevent. Haha.

Where do we begin now people?

Ok nevermind, I don't even bother now who's reading, who's not. Page views..this place was meant for me to recollecting moments and stuff.
Apa-apa ajelah labu.

Now I feel like writing, must have been induced by coffee rush I had less than hour before.

December 2014
Oh ya, I am still in Amman andddd now still no hint of snow coming..still,
Next rabu we are flying back to Malaysia...

My sis and I are flying home for good (after 1 yr here) while my parents and 2 other siblings gonna head back to Amman for more years at the end of dec 14.

But, you'll lose some and gain some in life.
Success require huge sacrifice.


#I am a fully responsible adult *cough cough cough* I got the feel parents around. Real adults take FULL responsibility of the choices they are making/made and NEVER BLAME ANYONE/ANYTHING/CIRCUMSTANCES. So are you in the club?

#I don't hunt for job, instead I create a job for myself. Hello Ms. Entrepreneur!  *not many people knows my plan and you are the lucky one people*

#I am SCARED but I want to walk with FAITH instead of fear.

#Learn more about property from reading books to attending more talks,seminar etc. I am very interested to know about good investment and how to accumulate good assets (collect assets not liability). Property is my area of interest.

#Feed my mind with loads of good stuff (read read read) books/audio books and listen to top speaker. Motivation is like bathing, you need it daily ☺.
I love listening to Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, Eric Thomas, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown and all motivational video I could get.

#Learn more and more about baking. Attend baking classes. Bake good desserts and make people happy eating them. My humble business is going to be in this area. Pray for me people!

#smile more more and more like it's my 2nd nature and live life with passion against of all odds.

#Social anxiety challenge: be able to talk to stranger and hold a conversation. Say hi to people you don't know. Hold a small talk.I know I am friendly naturally but after so many many years of telling myself I am a shy person especially around stranger and being too lazy to talk (shy is a label you put to yourself,never a born traits or hereditary, baru tahu ). Be really careful of your choice of words because it will be your reality.

#Financial. Ermm. Not yet(infact really FAR) financially independent but really  aspire  to be one in future. In Sha Allah..someone wise says never limit your circumstances now to who you will be in the future. My  financial status now (hasil kumpul every month  here ayah kasi 50Jd/month plus duit raya 100Usd). Oh ya this year ada jual 3 biji kek..haha..tapi duit dah burn la..but still manage to kumpul some money while I am here. Duit kat malaysia from working dulu2 memang burn la habis ilek..haha..punyalah tak ada planning dan tak kisah pasal financial planning..adoii. But I am really proud of myself this year, instead of buying stuff, clothes esp jubah etc. I REALLY am not indulging much and always restrain from impulse buying..tapii few weeks ago I bought  original kitchen aid mixer priced 399Jd (times 4.5MYR) my dream baking gadget..tapi nanti my  dad refund balik time balik malaysia teeheee (ayah is the most most most generous people in my life)..that mixer gonna be my best buddy in my baking endeavor in 2015.

Long story short, I got the habit of saving now throughout 2014 alhamdullilah. Haha. Cabaran bila balik ke Malaysia is hard to handle though. Online shopping is so in right now kan...sigh.

Increasing my knowledge in financial area is so crucial for 2015. Rich or poor we all deal with money. So might as well be more wiser and be well thought in this area. Robert kiyosaki says smth like (I heard from his audio book Increasing Your financial IQ), money is not the root of evil, not having enough knowledge in financial arena is one of the the root of evil and risky.

#Health & physical: keep on the healthy lifestyle I am on right now. Keep on sweating and eat more of good food most of the time.  A little bit of junk once a while  will do great.  Life needs balance. Lol. And enroll at least 4 half marathon in 2015. This year only manage to go for 1 events only. No choice. Sini tak ada banyak event macam Malaysia . Only 3 official events throughout the year kesian betul. Malaysian are so lucky! Melambak-lambak events sepanjang tahun. Hiking should be cool too. Broga will be one of the must place to go. And also I want to learn swimming to. Really. Scuba dive and paragliding is for 2016. Pheww. Kumpul duit kumpul duit dulu in 2015!

#2015 is the year of a new discovery, challenging yet fun. IT's time to grow out of my comfort zone and be out there in the world. Grow-ing is happiness.

# Honestly, I struggled much about self-confidence throughout adolescent as much as I could remember. The notion of 'I am lacking' and 'I am not  good enough' 'Fear of making decision' 'Omg why my open pores are so big' . Bit by bit I am picking up steps towards a better me. I finally realized that the act of loving/liking ourselves FIRST is so so so important. It is not an act of selfishness.


Get it? I have learn it the hardest way. Why am I so afraid to love a lil more, to open up  my heart all this while. To try new things, to dream a big dream...
I have hurt my self all this time, beating up my self over my flaws and over stuff don't really matter, my mistakes, criticize my self, scrutinize every single flaws..don't please.

So now,Be kind to yourself, say good words to yourself, pat yourself at the back every time you do something wonderful  and simply  say"I like myself". Say that 3 magic words everytime, everywhere many many times. Let it be your mantra.  Glue it to your mind. This is not vanity. That is the purest and nicest thing you'll ever do to yourself. I learned this tips by listening to Brian Tracy self confidence video talk on youtube. I say this to my self everyday countless time and feeling so good. Let it be your reality. When you feel so low and no good of yourself say that words, sincerely and feel it thru the core of yourself.

Now do I sound like a newfound guru of selfhelp? Hehe.

# 2014, has been up and down. There were time I was struggling emotionally feeling helpless this year. Here I am at 25 years old, jobless not making any money, living in another country, feeling caged, not knowing what to do next, feeling helpless because I am doing nothing here besides of studying arabic. I am a freaking 25 and still am wondering why am I here? Regretting the choices I've made and play the blame game .And I am Still depending on my parents when deeply I want to give back to my parents but I just have nothing to served  nothing to be proud of. The bottom line was that I feel hopeless. Most people of my age has started their life, build a family, landed a job and further their study. It's something that tear you down from the inside, that feeling really kills your self confidence. And I realize that I have nothing to be proud of, nill.
It was my struggle.

I have many proud moments too but see, negativity really got me blinded and failed to capture the beautiful lifetime moments in life I experienced here. For all the opportunity grant by HIM and I am forever feeling humbled and grateful. This struggle is a bless, if you see it deeply. In every difficulty lies an opportunity. If only you can see. I am one lucky girl and so caught up in the moments to not see the beautiful things in life. The most beautiful things in life cannot be seen , it can only be feel at heart. Silly you, lovely.


Now I don't feel that shitty feelings anymore. NO MORE!

The person I was before no longer exists and now here she is. Writing her junk in this space. Haha.
Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. I failed to see things in bigger perspective, broader horizon.
This struggle makes me dig deeper into my self.
My purpose in life and all.

I read books, listen to motivational video over and over again, feeding my mind with nourishing stuff.
Mending my own bruises. It's the most loneliest things to do, to cure yourself.
I am on my way. One step.two step.
And will still learning and never ever stop growing. Because in growing I find happiness and hope.
A future with a hope.
I deserved success as long as I am willing to work on it.

And the way we define success is what really matter. My terms of success may not be the same to you and it does not matter to me as we all have different goals and purposes in life.
I am not them and they are not me.

Take full responsibility of your life. Man up! Where you are now are now is based of the choices you've made in the past. Make your decision now as you are responsible for your life in the future.

Phew this is the longest write up of 2014 and I feel good writing it all here. Lega.

My writing speaks louder than my voice.
I hope you'll listen to my little tiny voice here.

See you next year 2015!
I love you kind loving people who's reading till the end, whoever you are, wherever you are. No matter what you've been through I pray the best for you.

Thank you lovely.