A Secret

Hai!
Life been great, alhamdullilah. (speaking from a 'postive' p.o.v)
But yeah, tak adalah 'pretty' sangat. Tidak jugak 'perfect'.
Kena bersyukur, walau pun tak perfect sangat.

Speaking of perfection, nahhh..rasa macam i've always been so insecure about many things. Semua lah. Of course la termasuk diri sendiri.
Sangat messed up. Haha.

Bila ada orang compliment something about my self saying that i looked good ke, cute ke..selalunya i'll try to deny what they are saying...

*giggle sikit*

Macam, hari tu ada seorang kawan *lelaki* borak dengan kawan lagi satu. Lepas tu kawan yang lagi satu cakap dekat aku,

"anna, dia cakap kau cantik"

All I could do is laughing like there's nobody business. Macam , eh dia ni buat lawak ke?? Hahaha.. zeriously, aku gelak sampai sakit perut.

Then, back to normal. I never take pride of what they're saying, sambil fikir what
were they thinking. Kenapa aku tak rasa macam tu pun? Apa yang dia nampak?

Yes, sangat menzalimi diri sendiri kan? I know, this isn't normal. Kenapa orang lain boleh 'value' diri kita, but then when it comes to liking or loving ourselves, we become our own worst enemy.

Man, this is so hard.

Loving yourself half-heartedly. Second guessing yourself all the time.

I know, it's been a struggle eversince. But, i'm trying to work on it slowly.

Yang paling aku ingat, arwah wan (sebelah ayah) once told how beautiful I was.

Tiba-tiba je dia pegang muka aku then sambil usap-usap pipi aku she said "cantiknya cucu wan"
Haha. Random kan? Tiba-tiba je. Sigh.

Mungkin aku telah meletakkan 'benchmark' yang melampau terhadap diri sendiri till it become a burden to myself.

This isn't a secret anymore.
That I used to hate myself.

Harsh, isn't it?
I'm learning to let it go and learning to embrace all my flaws.
Pray for me!

:)

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